kelly corbett

my special talent is making every christmas gift i wrap look like it’s the first time i’ve ever wrapped anything

snowman down!!!

yes, in the closet 😬

i’m so much of an introvert i get nervous to speak to duolingo

bathroom attendants be like

to the people who put their christmas decorations up in november — we get it, you had a happy childhood

every time someone asks me how i’m doing i always enthusiastically answer “i’m good” but then proceed to list everything in my life that has gone completely wrong

do you ever have a period so bad that you’re like hormonally this can never happen again

i never wear earrings because i’m always ready to fight

logging back onto bluesky after 9 months. no i wasn't off having a baby, but instead being one

i don't need a seasonal affective disorder lamp when i have my phone in my face 24/7

the worst thing someone can do to me is reply instantly. please stop. you don’t understand how agonizing this is because once you reply, i have to reply!!! like you are essentially assigning me homework when i am begging to fail. pls no more conversations!

“does the carpet match the drapes?”

idk i’m a millennial and i don’t have either

wow canadians really are super nice. i’m watching a documentary on a serial killer from there and he ONLY killed two people. two people? what a sweetheart!!!

2024

in: me

out: you

fun DIY advent calendar idea!!! open your banking app once a day every day until christmas and scream

tore the packaging off the pms gummies i just bought at target in the middle of the street and scarfed some down just in time before i made the switch to werewolf-woman underneath the 5 p.m. moonlight

i am basically jen psaki but i am dumb and hot

i love being a woman (watching selling sunset)

if you find me annoying just remember that someone had to give me an invite code to get me here and if anyone should be punished, it’s them :)

i miss the good old days when i could tweet a stupid little thought and people would see it and engage with it!!!

now i copy and paste the same silly words on all the word apps and the algorithm delivers it to no one

so … is a bad day on blue sky called a grey sky or a gloomy sky or is this platform just not for dad jokes told by women?!?

scaring myself this halloween by turning on the really bright vanity lighting in my bathroom that shows me literally everything that is wrong with my face!!! oh my