gluten free goose

oh and then i have 2 in the 1400s and 2 in the 800s

okay so fun fact i got contacted by snapchat for having one of the longest active streaks and they wanted to know the story (for the 10 yr anniversary of streaks or sumn?) but anyway!! mine is 3,378 lmfao (my sister)

good luck babe!!!!

i wanna blast baby shark in a room full of 2 yr olds. just to feel something.

he was just a tiny guy so we’re okay now but like excuse me there are no bugs here!!!!

just had a SPIDER BUILDING A WEB ON MY FACE EXCUSE ME SIR

oh no it wasn’t normal i almost threw up before i went LMAO fuck

i had a normal poop?? i don’t trust it wtf is coming

THE PATOOTIEST OF CUTIES

i’m so sorry ur gut is so fucked up but goddamn it is so fucking nice to read things from people and ducks who understand. thank u jam <3

this makes me so happy for u jam!! i’m glad ur stomach is cooperating so far today

YES. i get called dramatic for not eating at places that aren’t safe but like… just let me hang out and talk with you!! i shouldn’t have to risk shitting myself in public to stop ED accusations like goddamn

trying not to pass out bc my stomach is sucking all the blood from my brain to digest a thing

my 13 yr old cousin just came out as a lesbian, further cementing her in favorite cousin position

aunt fanny is an icon

omg that’s my duck twin. munchin!!!

got in the car and partner’s phone started auto playing kermit voice “didn’t i do it for you” what a trip

it was so tasty i couldn’t stop myself from eating both halves!!

with a large vanilla oatmilk latte :-)

got a turkey avocado sandwich w vegan cheddar and sriracha aioli and ate the WHOOOOLE THING <3333

any time bagged milk <3

AMEN

yeah we got priced out of it this year and i’m SAD

thank you!!! i earned the fuck out of this

calling off work <333

oh NO jam nooooooo </3 not the bar soup

u can take out the potato once it steals the salt!! (does not work on me) ((i’ll eat ur unwanted soup potato literally and metaphorically))

but u can add potatoes and they’ll absorb the salt (also works on me)

TRAPPED IN REPUBLICAN HELL

AND i had dialup internet until 2011