Cloudypianos

Nope. Not on tik tok

I don't want AI. I want to stop filling out my entire medical history every time I go to the same doctor

If you retweeted this I’m sorry

my narcissistic mom just said she prays for me every night and now I know where the curse is coming from

New Trump 2028 campaign slogan just dropped.

I want my death certificate to say the truth: killed by capitalism.

I was going to be Vanessa Ives for Halloween but now, I don’t know, I feel like I need to be a frog terrorist.

“I love Renaissance Faires, indie bookstores, collecting rocks, exploring ghost towns and probably ancient castles though there aren’t many of those around here, ha—“

“Ma’am, this is a job interview.”

Someone needs to keep him on a leash

I hate to be a doomer but the pandemic broke me in this regard I think. After watching like a third of the country proudly say they wouldn't inconvenience themselves even if it cost other people their lives, where do you go from there

Might fuck around and find a corynexochida trilobite to add to my fossil collection.

Hard to joke around with half a White House.

People who are nostalgic for the 80s have obviously forgotten how much Phil Collins we had to listen to.

Ideal restaurant experience: You sit alone in a windowless cubicle with a TV and an armchair, your food is delivered by a mechanical arm through some kind of hatch, and when you're finished you leave quietly through a trapdoor that leads into the abandoned subway tunnels

Sorry, I can’t get weird with you tonight. Too busy getting weird at home

Sorry I can't hang out this week, I have to iron my cardigan.

He’s a terrific writer. One of a kind.

Yay!

Thank you

“I love Renaissance Faires, indie bookstores, collecting rocks, exploring ghost towns and probably ancient castles though there aren’t many of those around here, ha—“

“Ma’am, this is a job interview.”

I do not give a shit

Trump says he took a urine test at Walter Reed hospital and got all the answers correct.

My dream job is to run a cozy little bookshop, but without worrying about having to succeed as a small business. So basically a money laundering front where I get to read

ICE has finalized a $5.7 million contract for AI-driven social media surveillance software using Zignal Labs to monitor 8 billion daily posts in 100+ languages across numerous social media platforms in case you didn’t think America was Orwellian enough.

Introducing myself as an ethical monogamist to ethical non monogamists just to see how it goes

My nickname at family reunions is "I thought you were dead”

HR says I’m no longer allowed to answer the phone with “for fuck sake, what now”

AMERICA: why are we giving food stamps to people. they should work

ALSO AMERICA: let’s fire everyone and replace them with AI

One of my favorite things to do is to eat peanuts in the corner.