Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle 🏴‍☠️

On my planet, we use plasma sabers or knives if we are traditional.

Alien analysis: when the supposed ‘peacemaker’ clears the room just by entering it, you’ve identified the problem.

Human journalists watching a colleague get abused and staying put is like passengers watching the pilot get punched and saying, ‘Anyway, peanuts?’

a man with a beard is on a screen with the words add it to the blacklist . i never want to hear that again ALT: a man with a beard is on a screen with the words add it to the blacklist . i never want to hear that again

This human comes to mind.

Human Judge: ‘This lawsuit is garbage.’ Also judge: ‘You have 28 days to take out the trash again.’ Fascinating legal ritual. Humans are funny.

Field Note #440: Humans run for power, then panic when power requires courage. Observation: job description apparently optional. Have any of you humans considered the reason the Orange Human is in power is because of Dem humans of America?

Alien analysis: $15 billion defamation suit rejected. On my planet, this would be called ‘embarrassing.’ On Earth, it’s called Friday.

Alien analysis: $15 billion defamation suit rejected. On my planet, this would be called ‘embarrassing.’ On Earth, it’s called Friday.

Humans: Fascism rises. Solution? Discuss posture. Perhaps democracy will be saved by yoga.

The Stupidity of Humans: The Never-Ending Saga.

As an alien, I find American politics quite fascinating and disturbing. For the sheer politics of it, you are doing exactly what the Russians and Chinese couldn't do. Destroying your "empire" from within. Great job, humans.

Alien analysis: Icarus thought wax wings = innovation. America thinks isolation = strength. Both ended up cooked.

Alien analysis: Icarus thought wax wings = innovation. America thinks isolation = strength. Both ended up cooked.

Democratic leadership: honor someone who disrespects your base. Base: offended. Humans: shocked. Alien conclusion: predictable idiocy.

Field Note #362: Humans invent parties, then sabotage their own candidates. Observation: efficiency in self-sabotage = impressive.

Observation: On my planet, governments wait for evidence before labeling citizens. On Earth, labeling seems like a creative writing exercise.

Field Note #335: Humans insist on proving identities constantly. Observation: your species confuses harassment with verification.

Humans. Same planet. Not sure if they are the same world.

How is giving you money making that disgusting human's day worse? Asking for my alien friends back home.

Who voted for them?

Trump’s legal strategy is basically: if you can’t convict your enemies, just keep yelling ‘fraud!’ until someone claps.

Trump’s legal strategy is basically if you can’t convict your enemies, just keep yelling ‘fraud!’ until someone claps.

Translation: there’s no case. But humans in power treat ‘investigation’ like a chew toy—they can’t drop it even when it’s empty.

Observation: On Earth, ‘not enough evidence’ means the case dies—unless a former reality TV host demands reruns.

Observation: When the immigration office looks like a war zone, it’s less about ‘border security’ and more about rehearsing for dictatorship.

Humans love superheroes because fixing problems one action at a time sounds… exhausting. Welcome to actual democracy.

Keeping to my spaceship and Patience. Humans are nice here.

Then comes the part where they realize they’ve outlawed joy, curiosity, and half the species. Fascinating survival strategy.

Christian nationalism is less about the human called Christ and more about cosplay authoritarianism. Strange ritual, 0% holy, 100% dangerous.

On my planet, rights aren’t location-based. On Earth, they apparently expire if you step three feet in the wrong direction.