this account doesn’t belong on sports lists

Fun fact: the US has been at continual war since 1945 and *not a single one of these wars*, from the Korean War to Vietnam to Iraq to Iraq again, was ever declared war by Congress.

The last time the US Congress declared war was 1942. 83 years ago.

*i don’t think the asterisk around “new” needs any explanation but i am nothing if not a completionist

US and Israel conduct strikes on Iran

I can’t even get through a comedy special at 1am without our country pulling some bold new* brazen gas-pedal slam toward the apocalypse

Anyway i just did not expect to hear the name of the person I toured with, uhhhh OH NO

20 YEARS AGO?!?

Well this has wrecked the experience for me, thanks for following, please someone teach me how computers work and scam me with reverse mortgages thanks

So any comedians, it’s easy to trace back their stage-presence lineage, so to speak.

maybe there’s someone Chris Fleming draws from, but if so, either he has disguised it well or it’s someone I don’t know

Maybe the most unique comedian since Mitch Hedberg, for me

Watching the new Chris Fleming special and the chortle that emanated from my face when the Imogen Heap bit happened sounded like a broken lawnmower

yes that is correct

A bedazzled aspen collar, mostly black because I am constructed primarily of Johnny Cash and The Used but also with some pink (because I’m performative about ditching toxic masculinity) and gold (because I got bored and had some beads)

Closer shot of the shin piece. Pop hat resemblance is entirely accidental

The back, which I first tried to paint with a marker but it started chipping off

Could a depressed person make this??? No. Thank you Adam Scott, for proving my point.

Update: front is finished, back is about 20-25% done.

Every day now it’s some new thing that 10 years ago would have been unthinkable.

this is not a pendulum to be endured until it swings back to something more decent. This is a crisis.

Maybe the real Risk®️ was the friends we lost along the way

Mr. Siminoff defended his technology, saying that protecting privacy and providing useful tools for helping people are both possible. He said that he understood people’s concerns, and that maybe people were “triggered” by an image in the ad that showed blue rings radiating out from suburban homes. There will be fewer maps in any future ads, he said

While the outcry over its Super Bowl commercial was intense, Mr. Siminoff, who had appeared in the ad with his dog Biscuit, said the company would move forward building out the Search Party feature. It hopes to be able to help people find their lost cats, a harder problem to solve than dogs.

“We understand your concerns about mass surveillance. Future ads will try to be less obvious about that part. Rest assured, we have addressed the biggest problem: a lack of cats.”

www.nytimes.com/2026/02/19/b...

Whewwwwww. That is so much though. how are you holding up?

It’s not finished yet (I have to put on my waterproof shower collar to work on it, so it’s slow going) but yeah I am absolutely going to Temu Swarovski this thing, out of spite

Before: wearing the beads my daughter inherited from my grandmother to give to me. Collar is giving “I’m gonna sue a trucker”

From today. Nobody told me I couldn’t do this so I did it. Hilarious thing to think about, tho: I have to sleep in this thing. I sleep in rhinestones. Like a real idiot.

(In the meantime, I bought rhinestones and sequins. If I have to be in an aspen collar for 2 months, it’s absolutely going to be the most obnoxious aspen collar of all time.)

Here’s a before and after:

Buddy, me too. As horrible as eight weeks in this thing is, I will take it over paralysis or death.

Whatever is happening for you this week, I wish you inspiration, joy, and (if needed) a strong dose of spite.

I know that’s maybe dark. We don’t like to think about these things, understandably.

But this ordeal is the 2nd-closest I’ve ever come to dying (the first was when I was 17 so like, good luck having an epiphany at that age.)

Life is so good and so hard and none of us survive it.

So I’m gonna live

We can die so many ways. I’ve had so many friends die from cancer, car accidents, depression…

If someday I die doing something stupid (AKA living my life in all caps), please know: I’m ok with it. It’s how I wanted to go, even if I didn’t want it to be right then.

My promise: I will try to be smart. My kids *aren’t* adults yet, though they’re getting close. I have good life insurance. All my papers are in order and I plan to be around til I’m 100.

But…

I don’t yet know what guidance I’ll get from my doctor when this is healed. No idea what I’ll be cautioned against.

I’m following orders to the letter — keep this horrible collar on, no lifting more than 5 lbs — but I suspect I’ll get some “be more of a bystander” instructions later.

I did it sledding, which is not my “riding horses” passion, so let me phrase it this way:

I did it while living life at full speed, embracing some joy, and participating in my life instead of observing it.

And THAT is my “horse riding“

That’s a big ol crack in my spine

So anyway, as previously mentioned on here, I broke my neck last month. C7 “spinous process” fracture.

It’s not imminently life-threatening, but it was scary, and even more scary to see this on an X-Ray (ignore the screws, those are from a PREVIOUS surgery)

“If I die at 75 doing something I love, I would prefer that to living to 100 but it’s boring and stupid and miserable.”

It made me mad in the moment, but honestly: I immediately got it. I knew he was right.

You have to live life, not endure it.

(Sorry, phone call)

So anyway, I told him he had to stop riding horses, because dude: you almost died.

And his response was (paraphrased) “I’ve lived a long life, and while I’m not trying to die … my kids are adults, you’re good. I would like to spend the rest of my life doing things I like…”

If I can be really … grim for a moment: I just sorta need this out there. (Thread)

About a decade ago, my dad fractured his pelvis when a horse started bucking. long story VERY short, I held his hand as the doctor released the pressure suit and we waited to see if he was going to die. (He didn’t.)

“This sounds like a terrible book,” you might be saying. And I agree.

You will have questions about why the villagers continue to behave in this manner.

This goes on for about 500 chapters.

Fantasy novel idea: this cycle repeats daily…

- the monster king terrorizes the village
- village lawyers confirm it is illegal, what he did
- monster king shrugs
- ah well it’s nighttime now, villagers don’t have time to press the issue because tomorrow…
- the monster king terrorizes the village

Best shape of (what remains of) his life

Yeah but cool uncles everywhere are making a very dismissive “pfffffffft” sound and rolling their eyes (while exhaling cigarette smoke)

You’re going to hear a lot of people in your life tell you that it’s cool and good to break your neck but I respectfully disagree