ᯓ 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐀

i wish i was home

like i had to walk through this dark, dusty abandoned restaurant to this even darker corner where the washrooms were only to find that 😭😭 i stood there considering leaving for like 2 minutes but i needed to change my pad so bad lmao

man better be prepared to eat my fucking fist

not a very comforting sign on this womans washroom in a shut down restaurant attached to a gas station in the middle of the fuckin boonies where neither stall locked

and i cant leave i cant get away

they would kill me if they knew i was gay and trans. i have no doubt that they would beat me within an inch of my life if i ever came out.

im shaking and my heart is pounding and i cant breathe and im holding back tears and my aunt is joking about giving them a smack if they try to come into the church

"the scripture is the standard" and theyre talking about how they can get it out of their church bcuz someone in the church is suddenly trans and how to turn them back onto the right path

im fighting to keep my mouth shut cuz it isnt worth it to say anything

how to get rid of it how to fix it how its sinful how to get it out of their church

my family is being so fucking homophobic right now and talking about the sin of it and my heart is pounding i was having a fine time and suddenly religion came up as it always does

sorry if i'm less interactive for a few days i feel like ass

i will be in the car most of the day luckily so i should be fine!

AQI of 269 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i'd be better off smoking a pack of cigarettes i think

might be semi ia for a few days idk i dont know what to do with myself lol i dont want to exist

no it doesnt 😭 idk what kinda toothpaste mint choco chip haters are using lmao 😭😭😭😭

i need to figure this shit out on my own

im convinced that people who dont like it and say "because it tastes like toothpaste" have never actually brushed their teeth before

sorry. big yap. i just feel like fucking shit right now and kinda just wanna disappear and erase my existence from the internet lol

i wish i'd never written it. i should have just kept my mouth shut and never posted it. i dont care how important it is to me and how much comfort it brought me to write it and put words to my thoughts and feelings. i just hate it now.

and stalking my bsky to find my discord so that you can specifically dm me to say how much you loved it and how it was so good that it made you relapse isnt the compliment you think it is. and i hate it. i hate it so fucking much.

150k words and hundreds of comments, but even just the 3 or 4 that say that make me wish i'd never posted it and just suffered in silence. i dont care how many people find comfort in it. i never wanted people to read it to trigger themselves and i made that abundantly clear in the very first chapter

getting comments saying that its made people relapse (even if they say how much they love the fic) makes me regret ever uploading it. it was a vent fic for myself and i know i cant control what people read (i have it very specifically tagged) but it just doesnt seem worth it

idk i dont want to remove it but i just. getting comments like "this is so good it made me relapse" make me feel so fucking shit i know i get more comments from people saying how they love it and find comfort in it bcuz it puts words to how they feel but.

not bcuz i hate it or that i dont want to finish it or that ive received any negative feedback. i just feel like its doing more harm than good

haikaveh but its more just kaveh-centric

i want to remove my most popular fic from ao3

slapped an ess h label on it and im not about to get my shit banned 😭😭😭

bsky moderation slap an label on completely harmless content but look the other way to literal FELONIES

they labelled my funny haha reaction picture as BAD consider this: man standing in front of mirror, taking selfie smiling, behind him you can see he is holding a gun to his head. thats what this post is basically