it looks like you're writing a novel

stories can be found anywhere. maybe even in the 348 grocery lists you have saved in your notes app

delete chapter one. delete chapter two. delete chapter three. delete chapter four. delete chapter five. delete chapter six. delete chapter seven. delete chapter eight. delete chapter nine. delete chapter ten. delete chapter eleven. chapter twelve is your first chapter now

inside you there are two wolves: one wants you to be productive and write, the other is Sanctophrax, the Destroyer of Worlds. the first one is a metaphor and the second is an actual case of demonic possession. you need to contact an exorcist

"but but but i have ideas for these two scenes but don't know how to connect them" just write them and find out. dweeb

love each other

they have taken the bridge and the second hall. we have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. the ground shakes, drums... drums in the deep. we cannot get out. a shadow lurks in the dark. we cannot get out... they are coming

sometimes, where you needed to stop was 2428 words ago

do you honestly expect me to sit down and write a whole book? how dare you. i have more important things to do, like running the country, and inventing the microscope again but worse

i'm very tired and on a train this is the best i can do today

keep an eye on your belongings and if you see anything suspicious alert a member of staff

writing is kinda like writing, in that you write

if you don't explicitly tell readers your characters aren't muppets, how will they know for sure

the best way to receive negative feedback is to say, "that was intentional, actually"

you're not allowed to write today. it's illegal. save it for the purge, sicko

have you considered writing "boots" by rudyard kipling

sometimes, you just gotta set it free (throw your laptop out the window)

draft zero? more like draft HERO am i right ladies

if you're stuck on a chapter, just fix it or write through the pain! except if you're me, in which case it's totally okay to sit around watching game changer and not work on the chapter

sometimes when you think you FINALLY got the opening of the chapter right, it's still wrong. like now, for example

don't worry about the quality of your first draft! what you really need to worry about is that weird smell coming from under the sink

if you meet a writer with a similar idea to yours, fight them to the death. the winner gets to keep the idea (and also stay alive)

if you want to write a book, you can just do that. no one is stopping you

stop it stop it stop it STOP IT

worried your book is too dark? throw in a knock-knock joke every five pages to level it out

if you can't find time to write, just use The Amulet™️ to steal other writers' time

writing is easy. see, i did it right there. and again. and again. i can just keep going. wow

cut chapter one. chapter two is your first chapter now. hmm. actually, no, put chapter one back. well. okay, no, i was right first time, chapter two should be your first chapter. wait, actually,

only acceptable answer

what is stopping giant eagles from picking up your protagonist and putting them exactly where they need to be?

it's too hot for me to come up with a writing tip today