i’m starting to doubt if i even want to go thru with this program interview just because i already cannot handle the misc shit constantly dumped on my plate

i’m actually going to start bawling in the hallway i don’t get it anymore get me out of this hell

me, be important enough to be told i need to be involved with QA testing
me, not invited to any comms
me, not sent any links to get started
me, be told i should help with workflow input
me, be left off another meeting that is scheduled even before i’m here and my lead is out

i can’t even blame this meltdown on hormones this time it makes it ✨extra✨fun

chat it’s cool to cry at ur desk asking for a friend

thank you for my LIFE

i shit you not i finally dragged my ass out of bed and a client service rep just tried to call me on teams i’m gonna CRY

really, really struggling with the motivation to drag self to work rn

i really don’t understand the need to make someone feel bad for enjoying a game that you didn’t, just let people be happy and play whatever they wanna play. the world is miserable enough rn without adding your negativity to it and video games are a safe space for a lot of people, don’t ruin that.

BIG TIRED OF BEING SAD ABOUT MY JOB I LOVE LEARNING THEY AREN’T GONNA BACKFILL THE PROMO I WAS SOMEWHAT PROMISED 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

day 3 of being horrifically sad ig here we go

1. holy fuck i’m exhausted

2. brain i can’t even drum up basic motivation to gaf for base level work rn why are you doing this to me

waking up hours early cause i’m having job hunting nightmares paired with dreams of committee leading dunked on me

i think work should let me sleep at my desk today that would be p cool of them

today is. not going well. workload is fine but i pause to be upset Again and then carry on.

i’m so frustrated cause i’m told these things will happen but then i have no actual idea how to achieve them and then my management ghosts me

yeah idk it’s … i mean honestly it was a glowing review but it came with no reward? my boss appreciates me but is unable to back it up with anything tangible and meanwhile i set myself on fire all year long to keep things afloat so i’m just feeling a certain way

i can’t drum up any motivation to do the things that i’d normally expend more effort on rn. didn’t pay off at all last year so i don’t have it in me currently

i’m tired of dangling at this cusp of a promo or a raise or training and nothing is actually happening. this is such a shit feeling and ultimately i think i am just being used rn

review was such garbage in the end i started browsing job listings last night

wide awake at 6 am with more ruminating work thoughts 😭 hate it here

the way i’m paid the same amount as someone who has 4 teammates while i am doing the work of at least 2 meanwhile with only a lead who doesn’t even sit in the same dept as me lol

holy fuck i am pmsing and crashing out in sync this is miserable

i already over exert myself daily why do more just to continue to be invisible because i run this role so smoothly. why tell them what the problems are just to be asked for solutions on how to fix it and then essentially be left out to dry unless i make it happen myself

so many of my conversations at home are now about how to shift this into a leadership pov and there are things i could do at work to show i’m trying but the other half of me is just what’s the point they don’t pay me enough and they have denied bringing in more help

haven’t even left my apt yet and the urge to cry is there 🥲 idk how to encapsulate what i’m feeling when it comes to everything at work cause i’m in such a weird isolated position

the realization i am giving a wedding toast tomorrow. wtffFFFFFF

begging brain to shut off for a few hours instead of infinitely buffering

wide awake at 5 am thinking bout this insane panel interview i said yes to 😭 aaaaaaaahhhhhAAAAAAAHHHHH

girl who took a day off to escape dread comes back into even worse dread. this month has been never ending catch up hell