cunt eatswood

Life was better when I was the weird old bat with an obsessive and parochial hatred of some rich former countryman instead of being Cassandra muttering "Fucking told you so!" through gritted teeth.

07.02.2025 07:53 — 👍 61    🔁 16    💬 0    📌 0

I could never be cool nowadays...
Mostly because I say the word nowadays.

06.02.2025 16:52 — 👍 351    🔁 91    💬 21    📌 3

When I said I liked it rough I didn't mean my entire life.

07.02.2025 01:14 — 👍 881    🔁 119    💬 21    📌 8

never have I ever regretted staying home

06.02.2025 14:19 — 👍 73    🔁 12    💬 3    📌 0

what makes us kink (casual chats among friends)

24.01.2025 00:55 — 👍 4    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0

makes no difference to me, I just rawdog it anyway

07.02.2025 01:07 — 👍 2    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

which is better, twitter or bluesky

14.01.2025 00:55 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 1    📌 0

to sperm, the microplastics are little disco balls

10.01.2025 13:36 — 👍 44    🔁 9    💬 6    📌 0

A golden retriever has both paws up at a bank teller’s window.

“Are you the branch manager?”
“Yes I am, how can I help you?”
“I would like two branches, please.”
“How would you like that?”
“Two big sticks, four little sticks.”

10.01.2025 13:56 — 👍 2030    🔁 345    💬 18    📌 10

eat well
love passionately
fuck aggressively
be gentle
work hard
rest unapologetically

10.01.2025 01:22 — 👍 6    🔁 4    💬 0    📌 0

fuck nudes, show me what you’re listening to.

10.01.2025 21:13 — 👍 14    🔁 8    💬 0    📌 1

imaginary friends who spend a lot of time thinking about chokefucking

10.01.2025 17:48 — 👍 8    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 0

you are your fantasies.

10.01.2025 01:08 — 👍 8    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 0

Alexa, invade Luxembourg.

06.01.2025 06:06 — 👍 252    🔁 84    💬 6    📌 0

Marionette of Robert Plant

Marionette of Robert Plant

Robert Plant sitting down

Robert Plant on stage

I was digging in my basement and found a marionette I made of Robert Plant around 2000-2001 for a high school art project.

I poured a Whole Lotta Love into it.

01.12.2024 18:31 — 👍 627    🔁 84    💬 59    📌 6

oh i didn't even see you there

03.01.2025 08:21 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 1    📌 0

I just did

03.01.2025 08:21 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

jokes on your i was already doing this

03.01.2025 08:20 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Alexa, hold me and lie to me that everything is going to be ok.

20.12.2024 05:21 — 👍 198    🔁 89    💬 1    📌 0

At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix

27.11.2024 11:53 — 👍 37510    🔁 2239    💬 1045    📌 205

Might just fuck around and acknowledge that the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

18.12.2024 23:06 — 👍 1578    🔁 303    💬 64    📌 34

Foolishly summoning my familiar and asking my barbarian friend to launch it at a building that we want to find out about just to have him obliterate it.

Guess we'll go up to the building and do a good old-fashioned perception check then.

19.12.2024 09:04 — 👍 5    🔁 3    💬 2    📌 0

Don’t ask me to make eye contact during sex then call the cops on me just bc I’m outside the window

15.12.2024 20:21 — 👍 110    🔁 14    💬 15    📌 1

Alexa, I want to know what love is, I want you to show me.

03.12.2024 06:12 — 👍 368    🔁 122    💬 17    📌 3

At my age when I say I want my guts rearranged it means I'm gonna chase a bran muffin with a probiotic protein shake

14.12.2024 17:31 — 👍 98    🔁 25    💬 7    📌 0