The Unger Review

McDonald's CEO Reluctantly Tries New Vereniki Product CHICAGO, IL After testing out the product for several months in rural Saskatchewan, McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski announced in a viral video this week that the The Big Pierogi would be rolling out ...

McDonald’s CEO Reluctantly Tries New Vereniki Product www.ungerreview.com/mcdonalds-ce...

Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney OTTAWA, ON After a leadership review this week, the Conservative Party of Canada has overwhelmingly reaffirmed the leadership of Mark Carney. “He supports free trade, increased military spending, buil...

Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney www.ungerreview.com/conservative...

High Valley Fills Winnipeg Theatre Entirely with Rempels WINNIPEG, MB La Crete, Alberta’s country superstars High Valley are currently travelling across Canada performing exclusively for various Rempels. “Every time I walk out onto the stage and look out in...

Oh, hey, you can WIN tickets to see High Valley in Winnipeg on March 15! For real! Simply comment below this article telling us who you’d want to take to the High Valley show. (A name will be drawn on March 10.) Good luck! (Contest not associated with Bluesky). www.ungerreview.com/high-valley-...

World War III Finally Gives Mennonites the Chance to be Conscientious Objectors Again RIDING MOUNTAIN, MB More than two thousand young Mennonite men showed up at Riding Mountain National Park this week ready to join the World War III Conscientious Objector camp. “We haven’t had the cha...

World War III Finally Gives Mennonites the Chance to be Conscientious Objectors Again www.ungerreview.com/world-war-ii...

Funk and Penner Endorse Penner for Goertzen’s Job Reports Peters from Reimer STEINBACH, MB In what just may be the most Steinbach headline in history, Judy Peters reports from Steinbach City Hall on Reimer Avenue this week that mayor Earl Funk and former city councillor Cari P...

“Looks like Funk and Penner support Penner to succeed Goertzen,” said Peters from Reimer. www.ungerreview.com/funk-and-pen...

US Launches Major Attack on the Epstein Files EPSTEIN FILES The US government has launched a surprise full scale attack on the Epstein Files this weekend. “We had to strike and strike hard to prevent the Epstein Files from doing any more damage,”...

US Launches Major Attack on the Epstein Files www.ungerreview.com/us-launches-...

Carney to Melt Down All of Canada's Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line TORONTO, ON It seems all the embarrassing defeats by Team Canada at the Olympics this year will not go to waste as Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a plan to use all the unwanted [...]

Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line www.ungerreview.com/carney-to-me...

Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won't Ever Play That Well Again MILAN, ITALY Just minutes after Team USA goaltender Connor Hellebuyck single-handedly won an Olympic gold for his team, he sent a message to reassure Winnipeg Jets fans he won’t ever play that well ag...

Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again www.ungerreview.com/connor-helle...

Massive Stockpile of Silver Medals Discovered at Local Thrift Store MILAN, ITALY It didn’t take long and about fifty silver medals belonging to the Canadian men’s and women’s hockey teams have been discovered at the thrift store in Schanzenfeld, Manitoba. “Yeah, we’ll...

www.ungerreview.com/massive-stoc...

Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He'll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey ABBOTSFORD, BC Jacob Fehr of Abbotsford has been rather sporadic in his church attendance as of late, but Pastor Dan says he has absolutely no reason to miss church tomorrow since he’ll be up by [...]

Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He’ll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey www.ungerreview.com/abbotsford-m...

James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review SEMINOLE, TEXAS The renowned Mennonite satire site The Unger Review had intended to run an article schputting Texas political candidate James Talarico, but had to pull it at the last minute for unknow...

James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review www.ungerreview.com/james-talari...

Canadian Curler Accused of “Knipsing” Stone MILAN, IT Canadian curler Mark Kennedy has been accused of taking a few strategies from crokinole this week at the Olympics. “The replay clearly shows he knipsed the stone after the hog line,” said cu...

Canadian Curler Accused of “Knipsing” Stone www.ungerreview.com/canadian-cur...

Manitoba Issues Province-wide “Yellow Snow” Warning WINNIPEG, MB Premier Wab Kinew held an emergency press conference this afternoon to announce the entire province was now under a Yellow Snow Advisory. “Don’t eat it. Don’t touch it. Don’t go anywhere ...

Manitoba Issues Province-wide “Yellow Snow” Warning www.ungerreview.com/manitoba-iss...

I Searched the Epstein Files for Mennonite Content - This is What I Found NOT SATIRE. I searched the Epstein Files. For real. This is not satire. Please note, of course, that there are millions upon millions of files and none of these suggest any wrongdoing. Here are the [....

I Searched the Epstein Files for Mennonite Content – This is What I Found www.ungerreview.com/i-searched-t...

Plane Takes Couple to La Crete, Alberta Instead of Greek Island LA CRETE, AB The Wiebes of Winkler were planning for a nice warm beach vacation this winter and wound up in La Crete, Alberta instead. “There are plenty of reasons to visit La Crete,” said [...]

Plane Takes Couple to La Crete, Alberta Instead of Greek Island www.ungerreview.com/plane-takes-...

Mennonite Couple Celebrate Valentine’s Day By Ordering the Cheapest Thing on the Menu ABBOTSFORD, BC The Rempels of Abbotsford plant to celebrate Valentine’s Day in style this weekend by ordering the very cheapest items on the menu at Ricky’s. “Oba, I guess no Brekkie-bowl for me,” sai...

Mennonite Couple Celebrate Valentine’s Day By Ordering the Cheapest Thing on the Menu www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-co...

Modestly Attired Mennonite Women to Perform at Next Year's Super Bowl Halftime Show TAMPA, FL After millions of Mennonites turned off their television sets (if they had them) and washed their eyes out with soap at this year’s Super Bowl, the NFL has announced that a choir of [...]

Modestly Attired Mennonite Women to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show www.ungerreview.com/modestly-att...

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island WINDSOR, ON The White House is fuming this week after the new Gordie Howe bridge was set to connect the United States with Canada, instead of the Epstein Island route that they preferred. “We’ve been ...

White House Demands New Bridge Be Rerouted to Epstein Island www.ungerreview.com/white-house-...

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show FRESNO, CA Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said Presid...

Americans Furious About All-Plautdietsch Halftime Show www.ungerreview.com/americans-co...

Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters MILAN, ITALY After a thorough investigation, researches have finally uncovered the reason why so many Olympic medals were found to be broken this weekend: Mrs. Esther Brandt of Rosenort. “She was goin...

Mennonite Mom Forces Olympians to Split Medals into Pieces and Share with their Brothers and Sisters www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-mo...

Just in case Kid Rock was not alternative enough …https://www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-choir-to-perform-at-extra-alternative-halftime-show/

Mennonite Author Comes Home with Gold Medal in Annual Navel Gazing Competition STEINBACH, MB Local author Joseph Bergmann, 78, has come home with the top prize at the annual Navel Gazing Olympics this week. Bergmann faced stiff competition from a wide range of authors, historian...

Mennonite Author Comes Home with Gold Medal in Annual Navel Gazing Competition www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-au...