The Unger Review

Mennonite Teens Keep Yelling “606” in Sunday School WATERLOO, ON It’s perhaps thr most annoying trend to hit Sunday school this year, as Mennonite middle schoolers keep yelling “SIX-oh-six” at every opportunity. “There I am trying to tell them about th...

Mennonite Teens Keep Yelling “606” in Sunday School www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-te...

White House Reassures Mennonites New Ballroom Won't Be Used for Dancing WASHINGTON, DC Desperate the quell a rising tide of angry Mennonite voters, the White House clarified this afternoon that the new ballroom would not be used for dancing. “Only faspas and quilt auction...

White House Reassures Mennonites New Ballroom Won’t Be Used for Dancing www.ungerreview.com/white-house-...

Lodged Perogy Costs Blue Jays World Series TORONTO, ON The L.A. Dodgers are thanking a Mennonite baseball fan this week for dropping his delicious cottage cheese perogy into the outfield, which cost the Toronto Blue Jays a potential series-win...

Lodged Perogy Costs Blue Jays World Series www.ungerreview.com/lodged-perog...

Mennonites Refuse to Watch 'Worldly Series' ST. JACOBS, ON Thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have refused to join in on the festivities this evening after local pastors preached vehemently against the ‘Worldly Series’s this past Sunda...

Mennonites Refuse to Watch ‘Worldly Series’ www.ungerreview.com/mennonites-r...

Man Who Can’t Name a Single Player Really Rooting for the Blue Jays Tonight TORONTO, ON Area man Larry Enns, 51, normally swears off sports completely, but for some reason is really into the Blue Jays this evening. “I’ll be on the edge of my seat,” said Enns. “Rance [...]

Man Who Can’t Name a Single Player Really Rooting for the Blue Jays Tonight www.ungerreview.com/man-who-cant...

Yup. 😂

Danielle Smith Adds Canadian Constitution to Alberta’s Banned Books List EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Danielle Smith held a massive bonfire outside the provincial legislative building this week to destroy any remaining copies of the Constitution of Canada. “Had my goons fi...

Danielle Smith Adds Canadian Constitution to Alberta’s Banned Books List www.ungerreview.com/danielle-smi...

In Honour of Blue Jays, Mennonite Pastor to Preach Epic 18-Inning Sermon this Sunday LEAMINGTON, ON Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays...

In Honour of Blue Jays, Mennonite Pastor to Preach Epic 18-Inning Sermon this Sunday www.ungerreview.com/in-honour-of...

Abbotsford Woman Blamed for All This Rain in Winnipeg ABBOTSFORD, BC Abbotsford woman Stephanie Friesen has come under a hailstorm of controversy this week after apparently bringing the west coast’s rainy weather with her to Winnipeg. “I haven’t used an ...

Abbotsford Woman Blamed for All This Rain in Winnipeg www.ungerreview.com/abbotsford-w...

Ford Demands Blue Jays Throw World Series in Effort to Repair Canada-US Relations TORONTO, ON After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in ...

Ford Demands Blue Jays Throw World Series in Effort to Repair Canada-US Relations www.ungerreview.com/blue-jays-to...

Approaching Cop Car Turns Out to Be Just a Guy with a Ski Rack AIRDRIE, AB Area man Jeremy Goerzen, 41, slowed way down on Highway 2 near Balzac this week as he saw what he believed was a cop approaching in the distance. “Oh, jeez, better ease off [...]

Approaching Cop Car Turns Out to Be Just a Guy with a Ski Rack www.ungerreview.com/approaching-...

Thieves Steal ‘Mennonite Crown Jewels’ in Brazen Daytime Heist WINKLER, MB   Winkler, Manitoba, often called the Paris of the Pembina Valley, was the victim of a brazen daytime heist this week after balaclava-donning thieves on dirt bikes took off with Mrs. Reime...

Thieves Steal ‘Mennonite Crown Jewels’ in Brazen Daytime Heist www.ungerreview.com/thieves-stea...

Andrew Unger Sues Time Magazine for Extremely Unflattering Cover Photo NEW YORK, NY Calling it the “worst photo of all time,” Mennonite satirist Andrew Unger is now suing Time Magazine for the weird low angle shot they used on a recent cover. “I don’t mind [...]

Andrew Unger Sues Time Magazine for Extremely Unflattering Cover Photo www.ungerreview.com/andrew-unger...

Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade WINNIPEG, MB Mr. David Kehler of Kleefeld was in the big city on a Costco run this afternoon when he stumbled upon a massive crowd that had gathered at Grant Park Mall. “Look at all [...]

Mennonite Man Mistakes Huge Miriam Toews Crowd for Billy Graham Crusade www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-ma...

Olga reacts to the top 5 Mennonite baby names for girls.

Mennonite Woman Needs Weekend to Recover from Weekend WINKLER, MB Area mom Brittany Klippenstein was so exhausted from her Thanksgiving weekend that she now requires a weekend to recover from the weekend. “Thanks goodness we’ve got another weekend coming...

Mennonite Woman Needs Weekend to Recover from Weekend www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-wo...

Katy Perry Attempts to Make Out with the Wrong Prime Minister OTTAWA, ON Pop superstar Katy Perry was spotted in what looked like some level of embrace with another former Canadian Prime Minister this week. “I don’t know what came over me,” said Perry. “I guess ...

Katy Perry Attempts to Make Out with the Wrong Prime Minister www.ungerreview.com/katy-perry-a...

Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn't Run Out of Food at the Gathering WINKLER, MB Mrs. Pankratz can count on a good solid six hours of sleep tonight after the family gathering that she’d been worrying about for months came and went without a single person starving to [....

Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn’t Run Out of Food at the Gathering www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-gr...

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving GOSHEN, IN In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who...

Silly Americans Don’t Even Realize it’s Thanksgiving www.ungerreview.com/silly-americ...

Mennonite Pastor Signs Two-Year $25 Thousand Extension with Local Church EDMONTON, AB Just days after Connor McDavid closed a deal with the Oilers, local youth pastor Collin Martens inked a two-year $25,000 extension with WestEast Edmonton Mennonite Church. “We had to wait...

“We had to wait and see what McDavid would sign for,” said the church’s chief salary negotiator Allan Siemens. www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-pa...

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize OSLO, NORWAY Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said [......

Mennonite Man Wins Noble Peas Prize www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-ma...

Mennonite Man Takes 5 Hours to Pass Semi MOOSOMIN, SK Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass the semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. “I figured he was going 100,” said Bob, [...]

Area man Bob Sawatzky took just 5 hours to pass a semi on the highway this week, the fastest time ever recorded by a Mennonite. www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-ma...

White House to Annex Toronto Blue Jays TORONTO, ON After the Blur Jays took a 2 game lead against the New York Yankees, the Americans are utilizing the only strategy left in their repertoire— annexation. “We call it the World Series, but [...

White House to Annex Toronto Blue Jays www.ungerreview.com/white-house-...

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said M...

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins www.ungerreview.com/mennonite-wo...

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s NIVERVILLE, MB For more than century, resident of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg once in a while,” ...

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s www.ungerreview.com/niverville-r...