ego 🥀

i just wish i didnt feel so alone

i forgot im schizoaffective bipolar type nvm it makes sense again

i keep trying but i keep breaking and each time im a little more alone

is there really no fixing me

ive tried so hard

im scared, but whenever i try to voice this to someone i get a lecture. or they lash out on me

it feels like theres nothing left. like this is all to life. just pain and misery

my mind is slipping once more

stupid

why

i want to be good
but im not

does it even matter

its my own fault though

i feel like i exist in a pit that nobody looks into

it just hurts

i dont know why im even so worried about any of it

it just feels like no matter what i do, theres just nothing out there. the reception my work gets is always so disproportionately small compared to what should be ‘normal’ for an account at my size. and it makes me wonder if im doing something wrong. or if im inherently wrong

my art also doesnt feel very typical. it always feels out of place. too cartoony in the anime space and too anime in the cartoon space. not furry enough, but the weirdo that draws boys in cat ears

i know that leos not very pretty to look at. hes not traditionally attractive either. and he doesnt fit into the femboy category enough to catch that crowd

it makes me wonder what people actually follow me for. because obviously its not for my art or oc

having a roughly 3-4% engagement rate (for likes) on my main leaves me really depressed. i know numbers donw matter. but it just really stings when this seems to be what happens to me everywhere i go

i miss old deviantart. i hate this place. i hate it. i hate timeline based feeds. i hate how messy and cluttered and disorganized and buried everything is. i hate it so much. i hate it.

gone forever, so i can stop hurting over him

i want that stupid catboy buried in my back yard

i hate social media. i hate all the numbers. i hate comparing myself. i keep trying, its been over a decade of trying, and im still stuck in the same place i started

a lot of the time i just feel like no matter what i do, nobody will like what i make

now what will i use this acc for? who knows sodifjdslkjf

finally moved all the nsfw over to @rovdkill.bsky.social

Ren and Leo hold each other in a tight embrace as they sit in a field of red and pink flowers. The sunset out of view leaves the atmosphere covered in a soft, comforting glow.

Please stay from away from harm
Stay in my open arms
ft. @anxxero.bsky.social

#renashira ✦ #leokallios ✦ #renaisshots