Men don’t understand how humbling it is to be a woman. Yesterday I went into a salon and said “I’d like my eyebrows threaded.” And she said, “mustache too?”

When people say their Spotify Wrapped is “so random” and it’s literally just Sabrina Carpenter, Bieber, and Taylor Swift…

He did and he is going to be a father.

Ending 2025 with a drunken raccoon is fitting.

a close up of a cat 's face with mathematical equations on it ALT: a close up of a cat 's face with mathematical equations on it

How can we get the men talking to themselves in our DMs into the same conversation with each other, but without us?

The Bills really played with Weyward’s psychological well-being.

Not Bobby Baccalieri in the Bills Hallmark movie… my heart is full 🤍

Refs aren’t kissing their ass as much as I

The idiot who raised prices on coffee is signing a bill to reduce tariffs on coffee and then his idiot followers will be like omggg he’s the best president we have ever seen! I hate it here.

Are the Packers and the Eagles in a lavender marriage because there’s hardly any scoring going on.

They worked so hard on their mansion and you are just going to come along and tear it apart?

Idk who unplugged America and then plugged her back in, but thank you.

Wiped the ballroom floor with him.

But do my dogs know they’re solely upholding my mental health

Just ended a client call with “go Bills.”

Southwest loves a volunteer to check their bags.

Gronk makes Terry Bradshaw look like a rocket scientist.

There’s a medical tent for drug overdoses at WWWY, and I will not need that unless I overdose on Aleve.

“I can’t understand a word Bad Bunny is singing.”

Also them: Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy 🎶

RE Mark Sanchez: why is everyone carrying a knife like this is West Side Story?

What a joke.

Buongiorno from Mount Etna

I was just on a flight with Matt Healy, what appeared to be his band, and his girlfriend. Wild times.

Dawson Knox to Humphrey: Hey, Knox it off

#billsmafia

Took an edible last night and now I need to know how long it took civilization to breed wolves into Chihuahuas.

Stop sending Katy Perry to space and make me a roomba lawn mower instead!

I feel it is only fair that those who voted for this go to the front lines and defend your king.

Maybe Katy Perry can date an extraterrestrial next.

I just realized Gavin Newsom was married to Kimberly Guilfoyle.

Omg.