Dakota|atokaD

I told my boss I needed a raise. I told him there are three companies after me.

"Which three companies?" He asked.

"Gas, water and electric" I told him.

Will definitely have to get that. U2 has always been a dominant force. Achtung Baby was my go-to CD as a teen. Not a bad song on it. Helped me appreciate more all of their earlier work. Now I have it all on vinyl and it just sounds amazing.

me: The earth isn’t flat

fiat earther: correct

me: huh?

fiat earther: it’s shaped like an Italian car

me: what?

fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

You can also be a Gangster of Love. But nobody talks about that. Just the cowboys thing.

Can you explain the gap in your resume?

Yes, that time I was in Yale.

Wow! You’re hired!

Thanks for the yob.

Such an iconic song. Truly one of the best examples of the psychedelic 60’s era.

Anytime I see the same random stranger more than once a day in different places and just assume God is running out of extras in the story of my life.

What do you get if a prostitute dies on you?

The second hour for free

My friend isn’t a vegetarian because he loves animals.

He’s a vegetarian because he hates plants.

Great marketing. I too get thirsty for 7-up with a hint of apple while riding my white horse in pea soup fog.

I remember the last time I went to the dentist and was drooling all over myself afterwards. Don’t worry, the novocaine wears off eventually.

What do dentists call x-rays?

Tooth pics

I have bad news for you about your 50’s…

Always great to shoot out in nature with a beautiful subject. Well done!

Accidentally sent a dick pic to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it also cost me a fortune in stamps.

Maximum Overdrive is severely underrated as a B level “horror” movie. Just campy enough without going too far and an incredible soundtrack.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough

Now I’m very curious what VD stands for in this context.

I never thought of it as storing up my sunshine reserves but now I’m going to use that.

People don’t understand why I want to be outside when it’s 98 degrees and humid during the summer in the Midwest. When it’s -14 with a wind chill of -45 I will remember fondly standing outside in the sunshine

I was the best man at my brother’s wedding in Paris.
At the reception I raised a glass of Champagne and said “Eggs, cinnamon, bread and maple syrup”

It was a French Toast.

I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf.

“Where?”, she asked

“No. Regular”

If you rearrange all the letters of MAILMEN.

They get really upset.

I love airports because the rules of society don't apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

We did it at a Cancun resort to get the $150 credit so we get a couples massage

Halfway through the sales pitch I said to the guy “I saved up for 5 years to do this vacation, I don’t have $5000 a year for a timeshare” He went blank and got his manager and a few minutes later we had our $150

Great poses and lighting. Always love to see your new work

The one thing in life I won’t skimp on is good toilet paper.
I would wipe my butt with baby rabbits if it was socially acceptable

Sometimes people come into your life, and they need to stop doing that.

My rule of thumb is unless I physically see the baby coming out I’m never going to assume a woman is pregnant