Exquisite Horror

I finally told my date from last week that his long nails bothers me. He said he noticed so he cut them. I’m giving him another chance because I like him so much other than that. Our second date is tomorrow. I’m excited.

I have OCD and a big trigger for me is nails. I trim mine as low as possible and if they get even a little long it freaks me out. It just sucks that he’s great in every other way besides that.

I met somebody I like but he’s got two marks against him. 1: he lives an hour away. 2: he’s got nails like talons. He has cerebral palsy so I don’t know if it’s a disability thing. That isn’t what he said when I questioned him though. Idk, it bothers me. We have a lot in common besides that.

I hate online dating. I just had a guy ask for my address as his second message to me. Um…no. It’s a pass from me sir.

I met somebody that checks all my boxes. First date is tomorrow. I’m so excited!

Blood and Daffodils by Angeliena Cifelli, book one in the blood series

Lady of Darkness by Melissa K. Roehrich. Book one of a lady of darkness series.

My TBR just got a little longer. I need an intervention. Also, if you’re in the vicinity of Brooksville, FL there’s a great little book shop there called Citrus and Sage. They even had a coffee shop inside.

#booksky

I stayed up until 4 this morning reading. Now I’m paying for it. At least it’s Saturday but still. I just took a 3 hour nap.

Why do ENM couples on dating sites always call themselves adventurous? Is it like a requirement?

One of the things he used to justify the age difference was the difference in calendars. I didn’t question it because he was cute and interested in me despite the age difference. I just checked chatgpt and I’m thoroughly disgusted. 32 years in the Ethiopian calendar concerts to 39-40 years.

When I was 16 I met a man from Ethiopia. We worked at McDonald’s together. He looked young and said he was 20. We started dating. My parents found out and had him arrested. When he was arrested, they showed me his ID that said he was 32. I was just thinking about it (27years later).

Just realized I stayed up till 1AM to finish a book. This is like reaching back to when I was a kid and would lay in bed with a flashlight and a book for hours past my bedtime. Except now I’m 43 and sitting on the couch.

#booksky

Part of me doubts that I’ll ever find somebody that meets my new standards. Because I can’t keep dating people that are only there to use me.

I guess what I’m trying to convey is that I’m tired but still hopeful.

Much as I love reading romantasy, it makes me miss having somebody special in my life. Eventually, I would like to have that again. I just can’t find somebody that makes me feel as good as I feel alone. Somebody that adds to my life, that will let me add to theirs.

I’m going back through the ACOTAR series. Reading much loved books is like hugging an old friend. I love it. There have only been a few books that I loved the more I read them. Sarah J. Maas is incredible.

#booksky

I had a conversation with a coworker about safes vs a safe deposit box. I told them I have a safe with a few documents and my external hard drive. Then I told him what’s on my external hard drive and he laughed at me. It’s hundreds and hundreds of recipes. I guess it says a lot about me.

A white bowl filled with rice and a lentil, tomato, and black bean concoction.

I had no idea what to make for dinner so I shopped my pantry. Black beans, lentils, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, frozen spinach, and rice. I seasoned it with salt, garlic, Italian and onion.

I’m so sick of being sick

I’ve been watching all these harvesting reels and I really wish I could grow stuff. I want to find a farmers market.

It beats everything that comes with being an alcoholic.

Why is it that my friends disappeared when I stopped drinking? Why was friendship contingent on alcohol abuse? I realize they weren’t really my friends but it sucks that sobriety is so lonely.

Just randomly remembered the time a guy I was dating pulled a knife on me to “help” me. I have a single freckle on my stomach and it was just such a shame that I had such an ugly mark marring the beauty of my stomach. He wanted to cut it out for me. I declined.

I love that!

My Dr wants to put me on Wellbutrin for my ADHD. I’m nervous about taking it. Any ADHD peeps out there ever try Wellbutrin?

I guess I should put a hash or two here.

#ADHD #wellbutrin

Thank you in advance.

Mental illness sucks.

I had like 3 hours worth of events packed in to a 10 minute period and I found myself having a panic attack and barely holding on.

My dr prescribed an antihistamine for anxiety but it makes me sleep 18 hours. I can’t do that and I don’t like Xanax. It makes me drowsy too.

Anyway, I just finished chapter two of a book I had an idea for about 20 years ago. I wrote an outline and everything.

I don’t know if it’ll ever get read but it doesn’t matter. I’m taking back myself with every word. And this time I’m putting it on my laptop and backing up my files.

Then he said if that’s what I want to do then I should do it.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion that by not writing, I’m letting my ex husband win.

I simply can’t have that.

I left him 7 years ago and divorced him 5 years ago. I still haven’t written anything. I guess I was just dejected.

Then a few weeks ago, I asked a business owner if he always wanted to be an entrepreneur. He said yes and asked me what I always wanted to do. I said I always wanted to write.

I divorced him a few years later, after having two kids with him. Thankfully he is an absent father. I know it sucks but it’s for the best, trust me.

Anyway, I had stopped writing after he threw away my journals. My heart wasn’t in it. I guess I was afraid of a repeat performance.

My now ex husband apparently found my journals and read through a few of them. Then he threw them all away to “help me let go” and took the garbage to the apartment complex dumpster. When I got home I briefly considered jumping in to find them. I was livid. But I was also a doormat.

That turned into me writing my own stories and poetry. I began filling that journal and others with writings. I wrote for years. I poured my heart into my journals. Every struggle I had, every experience, it all made it in there. I had the intention of keeping them forever. Then I got married.