Unhinged Millennial

my most common recurring physical ailment these days seems to be sinus infections. i would like to whine about it.

ouch.

ok im good

ruminative thoughts, boredom, ennui maybe

i'm also just "ok"

i have to do stuff tomorrow. im so tired. sinus infection kicking my butt

the ouch comes and goes. it's muscles and headache and congestion. not the vid, i did tests, so just unlucky virus. my muscles are misbehaving bc i haven't been doing enough PT and i'm all curled in on myself. i was going 3x a week for a long time and then got out of the habit. gotta go back

thank you, appreciate that

i am in a stupid amount of pain and i do not know how to alleviate it bc i already took 2 painkillers and i'm not supposed to exceed 15 of them -per month- but nothing else works. i lay down, i iced, i drank water, i took a hot shower. my body just hates me. and anxiety keeps me tense, us all

waking up at 3am
the mood of my dreams carries over as sleep fades
i am angry and sad, mostly about old relationships -- friends and others
im lonely but also not interested in seeking ppl out
like so many in the us, i feel drained
this is how generational trauma happens
anxiety in our dna

im a little sick so i feel like whining
nnnggghhh
feels weird to whine about anything aside from fascism but hey
multiple things can be true

my body is rebelling today

rather unfair to pick several systems to flare at once. i am but one person!

giving myself permission to rest is harder than i would have thought

i discovered the reason behind my nausea, i kind of fixed it
waking up at 4 isn't fun
i think we are all suffering from some serious form of anxiety (or worse) bc of current events
fascism can go fuck itself

ppl really do peace when shit gets fucked
#mentalillness #mentalhealth

naps sometimes reset my ragey feelings, and sometimes i have dreams that accelerate the rage

i had a quick nap earlier and woke up confused (what year is it??). the realization that we are living thru these times hit me like a ton of bricks

the irony is astounding. i'm sure someone will find a way to share

i would love to yell about what these former (i can't call them friends...) people in my life did. i would love to tell their families the extent of their evil. i won't bc i'm not like them. i don't go around trying to ruin ppl's lives. they made choices and they can rot in them. i truly hate them.

every morning i wake up and i'm PISSED OFF. it happens every day. whether it be about someone who cheated on me with someone else important (reasonable anger but i plot all the ways i'd like their lives to blow up, none of which i'd actually do but i can fantasize), or not getting a chore done. 1/2

that feeling when you realize you left your blackout eye mask up on your forehead. whoops. i will chalk it up to the mask being very comfortable and me being very tired.

awake at 2am i suppose bc my body hates me
i have some sickness (probably the flu bc i keep testing negative for covid)
i mean it's not the worst. i haven't been sick in a long while. makes me want to whine tho.

it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. then it's a game: find the eye.

i wish inconveniences upon all my enemies

i am sick and thus feeling sorry for myself

release the epstein files

i can tell i'm getting sick and this makes me wary and angry

man, sometimes missing a med for one night makes a whole day freakin weird

i failed at refilling, but will have it tonight thank fudge

love traumatic flashbacks out of nowhere. yep. we love it.

amazing what happens when my valium, adderall, and a dab finally kick in each morning. it goes from a whirlwind to a gentle breeze in my head. rational thinking restored!

really cool how ppl walk away when you have #bipolar episodes and you physically cannot take your meds bc of mystery illness

i have so many examples of ppl who claimed to be there for me who suddenly couldn't be there for me when i actually exhibited symptoms. really disappointing.

i'm so mad that you occupy so much space in my head. it sucks. all these negative experiences living rent free. ruminating.

today i engaged in "opposite action", which in DBT language just means doing the opposite of the action you want to take. today i wanted to crawl back into bed, so instead i packed up my trusty backpack and i took myself to the zoo. i'm exhausted but it is an accomplished exhaustion at least

it is crazy to me that ppl will reintroduce themselves into your life, earn your trust back, and then B A M ! ! same shit different day.

if you're being reckless, i'll tell you. you tell me you're afraid to tell me stuff bc you know i'll set you straight. you want a sycophant, not a friend

i think i am lonely? but i'm not reaching out to the people who would talk to me either. maybe it's just easier not to interact too much with other ppl's energy. had yet another negative experience with someone i trusted. makes me a little sad. not overly so, but still sad.

i was awake asleep awake asleep awake from like 3am onward and so i'm not tired per se, but i feel like someone punched my brain, like it's bruised. i might be sick but i can't tell yet. trying to figure out what i could handle doing today so i don't just sit at home. i need to do *something*