Fulkery

Well zoot alors, I reckon

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana

A photograph of a gosling facing to the right, with a caption underneath saying 1998 Honda CBR.

Strange Honda

me: *marching to the beat of my own drum*

librarian: stop it

At 2:00am, I received an emergency alert on my phone about nearby tornadoes. It said to seek shelter immediately!

Anyway, I read about it when I woke up this morning.

What do you mean you haven’t memorized your entire house in the dark?

A mob hit but it’s me waiting in the backseat w a daisy chain I’ll use like piano wire to pull their head back & give em a lil kiss

*picks up Modelo tall-boy.

“Hmmm, I really do need to name my imaginary character’s imaginary horse.”

*sips

Okay a challenger keeping up with a dump truck is not exciting drama.

(at a job interview) you'll see on my resume under "special skills" that i am actually able to sweat to any genre of music, and not just Oldies

Picard sure loves to wear a slutty little robe

I wanna get ratio'd by my dad

I have confidence in your abilities

Some guy in the movie “Rapid Action”

Argue all you like. May the women and gender-open men rejoice.

I’m CIS af but this dude in Rapid Action has noteworthy lips.

Well, anything connected to Musk is pretty fucking dumpster too

Maple syrup is bomb ass mfer shit

Citizens United counter argument cold, corporations cannot be jailed.

Supported

Let me make it more clear: Every mention of AI in your product reduces my chances of paying for it significantly. It absolutely eliminates the chance of me buying stock in it.

It’s just eagerness, babe.

Rum’n’butt stuff

I like lingerie
But sometimes it tries too hard
A roll in the hay
Waking up in the backyard
[O+ leaves a lot of kidney donation eligibility]

here's to the unavoidable horrors of the coming week

i went to your poetry jam so you owe me a kidney

The aliens aren't even picking up the phone anymore

Here I am, rock me like I'm Herman Cain

The coolest playground slides

I want to attach this to my front door. It would give me incentive to actually leave the house

Bunnicula! Bunnicula!