Eli, from the Bad Site

Hell yeah. Looks like a great day — congrats!

I dunno, Jed could be in charge for 25 years without winning a playoff series. That'd be historic, right?

Two things can be true!

A tweet from Benny Johnson with a photo Donald Trump wandering onto the White House roof. The tweet is predictably very dumb.

Michael Scott standing on the roof of Dunder Mifflin

Man, Kyle Tucker just doesn't look like he's having any fun right now. Then again, he always looks like that, so ... who can really tell.

As one who walks the path … can’t recommend tbh

On second thought, he'd probably be a little wary of the whole "high speed" thing.

The Cubs wouldn't trade Owen Caissie because he's the replacement for not extending Kyle Tucker. You know it's true.

And who can blame him tbh

Meanwhile Jed Hoyer is at home in his room, phone on DND, drawing his “dream hypothetical” high-speed rail map for the United States.

Tom and Jed say no more, sorry

Love to read any predictions Zuck has while his company is still called Meta.

Devastating. My first favorite Cub.

Fine. Whatever, Matt

Matt Shaw "great defensive inning followed by a home run next inning" loading?

Rhode Island: Even smaller than you think ✨

I just recall him being bad in the outfield and feeling vaguely annoyed whenever he was in the lineup.

An absolute top-tier "I don't like this Cub but can't really explain why" selection for me.

Jed Hoyer walking around scared to look at his phone because he's afraid it'll tell him he's gotta do something soon.

I had a dream the MLB trade deadline was different every year and teams only found out when it was 48 hours in advance and honestly that would kind of rule.

Congrats on being my first thought when I found out about this.

27 likes and 1,700 replies good job man

Spent the entire day in Grand Teton with my family without a hint of signal or wifi and I can’t tell if that was a good or bad thing. I think good?

Jed’s gotta trade for like 3 pitchers and a third baseman.

Mentally comparing this to that time JD Vance tried to order donuts in Georgia.

Not the main point but if you’re paying TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS a year in interest in a car loan … you can’t afford the car.

Shout out to the kid just rattling off types of seed oils to her.

what if they made an entire social media app about alt text

This is the greatest baseball game I’ve ever seen in my life.