Dutchess

I am weak. I am vulnerable. I have voids. But I am strong. I have proven that to myself.

My biggest need right now is emotional safety

I never in my life thought it would truly be just me and God. No one feels safe enough for me. I know people have real problems but if you knew my story and what I’ve faced silently.

I’m still grateful none the less but navigating life solo is tough

It’s me keep checking my phone like someone cares about me that’s throwing me 😂

It’s so much involved in my transitioning from staff nurse to travel nurse that I almost don’t even want to do it anymore but I am. Even if it’s just one single contract I ever do I’m gonna try it and see.

Mommy really wants a hug right now 🥹

Music use to me one of my favorite things. I still in enjoy it but not in the manner I use to. It just reminds me of all the things I want and don’t yet have. Or can’t have

Holding your throat & and your booty cheeks because you have diarrhea and the flu is not for the weak

Good news today :
-my pay raise got approved and I’m expecting back pay
- my ass is still phat and actually is sitting HIGHER

bad news today:

-didn’t get Beyoncé tickets (I got scared of going alone for that price. I can afford any ticket but I want it to be fun. I’ll try again on Friday and shut my emotions off)
- my mom fell on her knee (she’s ok. But the next time, she gets a walker period)

I am. Almost done. It’s not dark like I thought. It’s actually cute.

Im gonna have to heavily rely on my delusion to get me through these next few months.

Just straight up pretend everything is ok (I am ok but my nervous system won’t believe me), pretend that I’m being loved how I need, that everything is lining up for the win.

🙏🏽

I’m reading this spicy book and he refers to “sexy time” as “mommy & daddy time” and yea.

That’s literally what I call it too 🥹

Now I overstand why people hit up their ex’s to take of their needs since they are already familiar with their body etc

Not me though, but I get it.

Thinking of ways to be sweet to myself

My mental health is being challenged because of all these political problems we are facing and the ONLY thing I’m sad & happy about is that when my time is over (cuz I’m tired), at least I won’t have left a child behind.

My heart is closed and no longer operable.

The dream was fun.

Reality isn’t

My mother has been a citizen for over 10 years. If she’s going back, I’m going with her. Period. I don’t care about anything else really. Keep your country. Passport ready. Bye.

I want a son. I just gotta find his papa first.

Like I can’t even just HOPE for one because it doesn’t make the likelyhood any better.

So many factors are involved & it’s just saddening.

I imagine I’ll be okay and perfectly fine without children of my own but today it’s hitting me a bit harder that it may never happen (due to my standards) but I’m working today so I’ll cry about it later

Favorite comfort movies:
•50 first dates
•bring it on
•deliver us from Eva
•ella enchanted

a woman is smiling while sitting on a couch next to a lamp . ALT: a woman is smiling while sitting on a couch next to a lamp .

Future hubby:

Do the “comforting” or we will be watching my favorite comfort movies instead. Your choice.

Maybe an aura ring

I really don’t be knowing what to buy myself with my money.

Like I want to get myself something nice tmrw.

I have no clue what that something should be.

Hilarious

If I ask, it will come.

Everything with complete certainty. #2025

Praying God sends me someone to go to Costa Rica with if I ask him pretty please.

And I’ll go alone if I must but it’s truly because on my last solo trip, I went out and did things etc, but I remember crying in public trying to wipe my tears away because I felt so alone.

Trying to a void that

I’m not waiting by any means (I’m living my life) but I am looking forward to the day maybe when I can just relax in the arms of the one who knows me best, loves me best and just —rest.

Booking my birthday solo trip out of the country and the only reason why I haven’t booked this tropical oasis yet is because I’m afraid I won’t enjoy it alone.

#costaRica

a woman in a red and green dress is standing on her knees with her hair in the air . ALT: a woman in a red and green dress is standing on her knees with her hair in the air .

Just checked the mirror and I’m still beautiful and thick in 2025!!!

Happy new year. God showed out for me in 2024 even though I disappointed him sooooo bad.

2024 was also a good year too. I saved the most money I’ve ever touched. I saved many lives in 2024 and although 2025 is gonna be scary, I’m gonna do it with God, like always.