Quotations from the office

Is your face a password?

Uptime Korma?

I've just got an email from my kids teacher to bring in a potato

Gaddafi was a bit more niche

Apart from noncing and killing each other what have the Royal Family actually done?

Are you comparing yourself to one person who dressed as a Nazi and another who was a nonce?

I can honestly say I never wanked over a Queen.

My name's Danny Dyer and I'm about to meet Britain's Hardest Basslines.

You shouldn't echo chamber, it might not be a string.

Oh my god, if you jump off the cliffs at Dover for a brief moment you'd be in the future.

The Nazis, I'd be like LOL

If I get a sniff of World War 3, I'll be round yours in your shower.

I want to weaponise crumpets

The C-section on the Indian flag

I watch a lot of snake milking videos

One end for eating, one end for fucking

Any vegetable can be a dick

The dick veg.

I find the size of the box challenging

I can't wait til they take Palestine

No one wants apple spatter

You've never seen a man cut an apple?

I'm one touch away from being gay

shall I pull it out and put it back in, wahey....it's valentine's soon

millions of pounds ruined because someone thought it was a good idea to eat salsa nachos

If you can, imagine a soup equivalent of Branston Pickle

they wait until you're not suicidal and then they come back

why would you want two tongues in your mouth?

Just to be clear, your idea of fun is something that takes less than a paragraph to explain, must sustain itself and not require the active enjoyment of others and at some point must involve the worm ridden skeletal remains of Sean Lock.

Man up you pussy