Head Worm inside Head of HHS

Local man said WHAT?!? Read more at the Weekly Needle:

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To Protect Americans From Long and Healthy Lives, President Trump Orders Shutdown of Key CDC Offices During Shutdown (Atlanta, GA)

“When asked to clarify his statement Andrew Hillkop, a spokesman for the president shrugged his shoulders and said “I barely know what the fuck is going on anymore”.”

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To Protect Americans From Long and Healthy Lives, President Trump Orders Shutdown of Key CDC Offices During Shutdown (Atlanta, GA)

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In Major Scientific Breakthrough, Researchers Discover Theoretical Proof of First Democratic Congressional Leaders with a Spine (Stockholm, Sweden)

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In Reversal To Rising Measles Cases, HHS Sec Sticks His Fingers in His Ears Saying “La La La I Can’t Hear You”. (Des Moines, Iowa)

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Opinion: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VACCINES AND I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT by Dr. Bobby Malone In a first for The Weekly Needle, we have been asked by Dr.

Opinion: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VACCINES AND I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT by Dr. Bobby Malone

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The Weekly Needle Explains: Government Shutdown and Your Health (Washington DC)

The Weekly Needle Explains: the looming government shutdown and how it will impact your health

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New Health Policy Based on Ramblings of Man at Bus Stop that Lyn Redwood Met (Washington, DC)

Lyn Redwood pushes to reschedule Vitamin D based on intergalactic threat from aliens, Claims Man at Bus Stop

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FDA Reminds Americans Yet Again Not to Feed Nicotine Strips to Children and Pets in Expletive-filled Statement (Silver Spring, MD)

“Don’t feed your kids or pets nicotine strips you dense motherfuckers” says the FDA

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New Health Policy Based on Ramblings of Man at Bus Stop that Lyn Redwood Met (Washington, DC)

Hi world! I know it’s been a minute but happy to announce some big news. I am now the founder, editor, and contributor of the Weekly Needle, the best source for satire medical advice! Please consider subscribing!

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Any it’s been a minute. But joke’s aside my appendage is a fucking asshole

Who said it: my appendage #RFKjr or Dr. Steve Brule

Ever wonder why ice cubes taste so boring? It's because you're making them out of stupid water…Put some fruit juice in there, and freeze it into ice cubes, and put THAT in your raw milk!

Who said it: my appendage #RFKjr or Dr. Steve Brule

Like other Americans, I've reconciled myself to the idea that an animal's life has been sacified to bring me a meal of pork or chicken

Who said it: my appendage #RDKjr or Dr. Steve Brule?

What is the CIA doing at a public health forum. They don’t do public health. They do coup d’etats

Who said it: my appendage #RFKjr or Dr.Steve Brule?

Raw milk is good for you, just not if it has bird flu in it

While this may be true, i can promise you those puppies are up on their anti-worm medication so i think they are bad. 0/10 military puppies

To be fair anti-woke can also be bigotry, pure hatred, ignorance. And a decent amount of self loathing hiding somewhere in there too

#CDCAllHands

Thank you CDC coming to this All Hands that probably should have just an email

So glad that there is no pause on communication from CDC moving forward! I’m just sure everyone at CDC feels very comfortable to communicate with external members in this environment that fosters and dialogue!

Hi everyone! Very excited about joining the CDC all hands! I’m looking forward to meeting as many of you as I can!

Hi @altcdc.altgov.info good news! As of this second the All Hands scheduled for CDC is still slated to happen and there are no cancellations that i know of yet!!

I wish i had the friends, the arms, legs, and spinal column to do this. It’s hard to do stuff like this when all your other friends lack feet. And fun.

a man in a black shirt with the letter b on it ALT: a man in a black shirt with the letter b on it

You rang?

No - these dogs are 0/10. Why? I can tell their owner takes good care of them and they are taking anti-worm medicine.

I am proud of our dear leader paving the way forward to let freedom ring. Let those papers be free and fly in the wind like God intended!

Wonderful news! I strongly believe we are making NIH able to better help the health of Americans*!

*Americans not included in this definition is anyone not pale skinned, born male, doens’t smell like milk, any religious affiliation besides christofascist, from a Blue city, and Jewish.

💚💚💚 Good Tuesday Morning everyone. A few reminders about wearing green today, CDC all-hands meeting, and #saveCDC rally at 4pm. 💚💚💚

Hey now let’s not shit on a team named after the most quintessential piece of boomer dad fashion out there