Tim Onion

Not beating the geriatric millennial allegations here, but if you want to feel totally fine for 22 minutes, the new Scrubs shockingly accomplishes that. Feels like reading a well written email from an old friend who hasn't changed a bit.

These are the 4 things AI can do well:

•Clean up your email inbox (badly)
•Give my shittiest neighbor (Alan) something to talk about at a party
•Tell a 12 yr old to kill himself
•Incinerate a school at 10:16 AM on a Tuesday

You can see why we need to base our economy around it

SHOULD THE U.S BLOT OUT THE SUN AND USHER IN AN AGE OF ETERNAL DARKNESS? - Gallup 2/20/26-3/5/26

NO - 41%
YES - 38%
UNSURE - 21%

Olive oil mistresses, phlegm guns, Dentist Smell, the horse chiropractor illiteracy epidemic, Badonkers Without Borders, cold cut shortage, Costco's on-demand precision drone strike machines, LeBron James pivot to mukbang speedruns and MORE in a dream I just had.

Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead

Stoic Kristi Noem Bears Firing With Stiff Upper Lip, Chin, Cheeks, Forehead

Perhaps, perhaps, perrrrrrrrrrr

If she traded her MG I would be so mad.

A one month chart of oil prices

Oil prices are going parabolic. This is insane.

Great to know their CEO doesn't even understand how AI works. It's not anxious because it's conscious, dumbass. It's anxious because you've been scraping the social media of users living and posting through fucking unstable times.

Tweet Claude Code wiped our production database with a Terraform command. It took down the DataTalksClub course platform and 2.5 years of submissions: homework, projects, and leaderboards. Automated snapshots were gone too. In the newsletter, I wrote the full timeline + what I changed so this doesn't happen again. If you use Terraform (or let agents touch infra), this is a good story for you to read.

Back in my day you needed a senior engineer for this sort of thing

Running for Congress on a platform of sneaking into Polymarket HQ and unplugging all their stuff. Overflow crowds at a local Knights of Columbus hall roar with delight as I promise to pour Florida's Natural Grapefruit Juice (with pulp) into the USB-C port of every computer in the damn place.

nyt website currently resembles one of those mock covers people made before 2016 election: economy floundering, war in the middle east, scandal-plagued cabinet sec, brazen corruption....

tech CEO in 2026: My computer has anxiety.
venture capitalist in 2026: Here, have 200 billion more dollars.

child in 2006: My NeoPet is angry at me.
mom in 2006: No it isn't sweetie, go to bed.
mom to dad in 2006: We have an idiot boy. Our boy is a little idiot person. It's too late to fix him.

Kalshi employees "kind of understand that without the tweets and the streamers and all of the social-media stuff that the traders do for them, usually just for free, their marketing would be a lot harder," said Jack Campion, 20, a junior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and a Kalshi affiliate. In September, Kalshi briefly signed up a 15-year-old videogame streamer who goes by vertid online to promote its brand on X as an affiliate. A week later, Kalshi ended the partnership. "Yo brother, legal team confirmed that we can't work with minors rn," a Kalshi employee wrote to the user in messages reviewed by the Journal. "Kinda sad tbh."

what the fuck are we doing

www.wsj.com/business/med...

The fuck you mean? Put the money in the bag.

That was basically the argument.

In my opinion we don't have enough domestic white combat work. It is the international white combat work I have problems with, unless Jake Paul is fighting in Riyadh.

That guy told me all of the people getting laid off from white collar work due to things like DOGE cuts should simply become roofers and farmers and things would be fine so relax.

What we see here is Donald Trump, acting as he always does, as a global chaos generator.

The further we stand away from that, the better off we will be.

Well said @georgemonbiot.bsky.social 👏

#bbcqt #IranWar

This simply doesn't seem all that far-fetched and needs to be investigated.

Congratulations DHS Secretary Stephen miller on continuing to be DHS Secretary

Proton Mail Helped FBI Unmask Anonymous ‘Stop Cop City’ Protestor A court record reviewed by 404 Media shows privacy-focused email provider Proton Mail handed over payment data related to a Stop Cop City email account to the Swiss government, which handed it to the ...

New from 404 Media: Proton Mail, the privacy-focused email service, gave authorities data that let the FBI unmask an anonymous 'Stop Cop City' protester. It was payment data linked to the anonymous email account. From that, FBI ID'd them, then tracked their movements www.404media.co/proton-mail-...

Dot plot chart from the Pew Research Center titled "Women are more likely than men to say pornography is morally unacceptable." The chart shows the percentage of men and women in 22 countries who consider viewing pornography morally unacceptable, based on the Spring 2025 Global Attitudes Survey. In every country shown, women are more likely than men to hold this view. The gender gap ranges from +6 percentage points in Nigeria to +22 points in South Korea and Spain. Countries with the highest overall disapproval rates include Nigeria (82% men, 88% women), Indonesia (81% men, 90% women), and Mexico (53% men, 74% women). Countries with the lowest rates include Japan (13% men, 27% women), Germany (21% men, 36% women), and the Netherlands (20% men, 33% women). The U.S. shows 47% of men and 58% of women viewing pornography as morally wrong (the U.S. used the term "morally wrong" rather than "morally unacceptable"). Only statistically significant differences are shown. This question was not asked in India.

New survey from Pew Research seems to explain a hidden reason that Republicans have been attacking adult entertainment: It's their new women's outreach effort.

After school boards and trans sports have fizzled, they are trying to reach women by bashing porn. www.pewresearch.org/religion/202...

People gotta eat.

MONEY PLANE (2020) predicted polymarkets and kalshi

It is time for Senator Blake Griffin (D-OK).

….huh??

She’s like a liar gone to burning hell

I'm worried when Kristi Noem finds out she's been fired she's going to become America's first obedience school shooter.

hahahahahahaha