🦝 Chris 💙

The colors in my yard this morning

This baby paying mantis has no idea and I'm jealous

My air purifier
The rhythmic speaks of the AC
The office is so quiet
Then
CLACK CLACK CLICKITY CLACK
My boss might have the loudest keyboard on earth

You suck, too? I've found my people!

Someone call the cops, this woman has been beaten with a maga bat viciously about the face

The cackle I cackled when my reverse camera still worked this morning. Time to up the meds when I get destructive.

If you're sick of hearing news about the death of the church CEO, I have breaking news.
New information coming out of my driveway, I have had it with inanimate objects not cooperating. I may or may not have smashed my tailgate into a brick wall for being down when it shouldn't have been.

Fuck your thoughts and prayers
god isn't real
Gun violence is real
#FixThisShit

Going to a punk show a few days after turning 40:
Left work early, tried to nap but couldn't
Tried 6 outfits, went with what I wore to work
2 hour drive, windows down music blasting
Brewery for a barrel aged stout and a giant pretzel
Friend is running late, but we'll get in when we get in.
Chill.

Listening to Last Podcast and please Ed, stop putting dog crap in your organics bin!! Dog shit has awful stuff in it and we don't want it in the compost!

I'm about to turn 40. I was thrown off a horse and rolled down a hill over rocks when I was 9. We went home, I took a bath, and my dad put iodine on my wounds. Limped to school the next day

I try to get 30 hours a week

5am, getting ready for work. Pulled up Max to listen to a documentary while I attempt to look human.
Today's Picks category includes
Civil War
The Purge: Election Year
Demon in the White House
I see you, Max

Fucking what
www.etsy.com/listing/1760...

My job is 90% memorizing acronyms and I am terrible at it.

Boxes of CDs and promotional posters like we were ever going to get them in a store.

I know I'm still swimmy from the flu, but shit ain't mathin.
Work computer breaking news 116° in Phoenix, triple digits in Palm Springs, posted 6 hours ago. "Heat is expected to continue through the weekend"
But my weather app says the opposite.

The feel of food in my mouth is appalling.
Tried a "meal replacement" drink, got half way through and was super nauseated.
Coffee, cough syrup, Celsius, Sudafed, repeat.

I'm a mom with the flu.
The velocity at which the pee leaves my body when I cough is just too much for earthly pads. It ricochets off the pad and there's no telling where the splash zone ends.
Bring your ponchos and Sudafed, let's have a girl's night.

Coworker: Is your phone an IP phone?
Me: *blank stare*
This poor girl: Is it an internet phone?
Me: It calls places....?...
She's not paid enough: Ok... What's your extension?
Me: *picks up my business card* I don't call myself, I have to look

I'm not built for an office environment, ok??

I never thought I'd piss off a repub with my Chevy truck

Whatever moves you! I used to joke with my boss that I needed a tiny yellow vest and a raccoon partner to help me dig in dumpsters lol

I would love a little raccoon! I work with trash for a living and they've become my mascot. If you're interested in that kind of critter.

I had to sit my kids down and warn them not to accept Roblox friend requests from anyone in the current administration

So have we completely ruled out the asteroid? I wouldn't mind if it stopped by today.

#usa

I just called the printer every name frowned upon in the work place and decided to just write the 53 pages by hand. This is going much faster.

Weird problem to have
There are 4 of us in the house and we all buy way too many stuffed animals. I want to store some in a claw machine for display and play. Almost $600 just to ship one. I need to find one I can pick up.