The Journal of Immaterial Science

The 2025 Noble Prize for Peace has been awarded to Donald J. Trump for “for resolving protracted conflicts between Armenia and Azerbaijan, Israel and Iran, Switzerland and Bhutan, Sparta and Athens, and the Achaeans and Troy”.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize for Literature has been awarded to Humanity, "for creating millennia's worth of original content with which to train generative AI". With creativity finished, our painters and poets can now return to the workforce as useful things like tax lawyers.

Originally developed as surfactants and waterproofing agents, PFAS are now gaining popularity as carcinogens, mild contraceptives and drug-delivery vectors:

BREAKING: the 2025 Noble Prize in Chemistry has been awarded to DuPont, 3M and Daikin “for the development and deployment of PFAS: a family of infinitely sustainable chemicals”. As these now-ubiquitous chemicals never decompose, they can be reused for generations to come.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize in physics has been awarded to Xián Zhū Shǒu for “harnessing laser ablation and ultrasonic levitation to create a toaster with an ‘a bit less’ function". The ability to unburn toast will contribute far more to everyday life than gravitational waves.

BREAKING: The 2025 Noble Prize for Medicine has been awarded to RFK Jr. for “taking bold action to reduce life expectancies in the USA”. By undermining the health system, RFK Jr. has led the charge to combat the USA's aging population and prevent a pension crisis.

A Balanced, Nuanced, and Comprehensive Review of Scientific English and its Relevance to Modern Scholarship

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Scientific...

Why Are You So Fat?: A Kinetic Model of Weight Loss

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Fat-Kineti...

This is what happens when you use genetic engineering for good, rather than just making fruit flies with legs for eyes.

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Sex-Carrot...

From Lead To Gold – A Minireview

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/From-Lead-...

The Journal of Immaterial Science The Journal of Immaterial Science is an open-access, beer-reviewed scientific journal. The journal specialises in satirical, whimsical and frivolous papers from all areas of science, and possesses a ...

In case that link didn't work: www.immaterialscience.org

Hey everyone, it’s taken five years, but J. Immat. Sci. finally has its own website: immaterialscience.org. On it, you can find our our entire back-catalogue of articles (>140), links to buy hardcopies of our journals, the PDF versions, and our submission guidelines/templates.

The authors of this paper went above and beyond, and physically went to a mall to survey the public. Their question: do you like twizzlers?

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Twizzlers....

It’s that time of year again friends, and we want to hear your suggestions for the 2025 Noble Prizes in chemistry, physics, literature, medicine, peace and economics. Chuck your ideas in the comments.

Toward a Cosmologically Complete Astrology: Corrections Based on the Mapped Distribution of Dark Matter and Dark Energy

PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/astrology

YouTube video by The Journal of Immaterial Science The DPhil Team

We recorded a cover of Ed Sheeran's "The A Team". We rewrote this melancholy ballad, originally about homelessness and substance abuse, to reflect the experience of doing a PhD, and somehow made it even more depressing: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ7W...

A scientific explanation for a cat with two tails.

We report the discovery of a pair of novel neurotransmitters, which are synthesised from dopamine and Cheese Supreme Doritos.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We turned medicinal chemistry into a card game, which takes 3-10 years to play.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We ranked all the “sea”-creatures we could think of by how much they resemble the land counterparts. In light of the wild inconsistencies we have uncovered, we recommend renaming some land animals in the name of fairness, eg. lions = landsharks.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We disclose a method for exploiting a glitch in physics, allowing a 1989 Toyota Corolla to turn into an infinite matter generator.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

We report the *successful* testing of a mortar powered by sodium metal and water.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

YouTube video by NurdRage Platinum Recovery from Laboratory Chemical Waste (pt 1)

Failing that, does anyone know if @nurdrage.bsky.social 's excellent procedure for platinum recovery would translate to palladium without major issues?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeKZ...

Can anyone recommend a good procedure for recovering palladium from laboratory waste? The “boil it, burn it, wash it, aqua regia, concentrate” steps seem sensible enough, but some specifics would be really helpful.

Dark Matter Reveals Itself Through WIMP(y) Traces

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

Analysing the Impacts of PI Separation and Exploring Methods for Adaptation and Persistence

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

To Couple or Not to Couple: Bardic Inspiration in Organic Reactions

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

An examination of various materials as surfaces to eat off, including wood, glass, metal, stone, fire, dirt and people.

PDF: jabde.com/wp-content/u...

It would be really cool if some other groups did this too, and we could compare the colour palates of labs that work on dyes vs cross-coupling, or pyrroles vs sensible molecules. If someone has a spare 1 L roundbottom and time on their hands, one could make a model of Jupiter or Saturn from silica.