willow 2 bonus willow

if anyone was considering catching a skin disease that makes it impossible to sleep and irresponsible to so much as hug someone i really wouldn't recommend it

i wrote all that high as fuck i don't wanna read any of it again 😭

i hate it when i don't know whether or not someone is something like me when they're actually entirely fucking different

the closest i get to being with someone by being the closest i get to being around people who like each other, i mean

i do hate permanently third wheeling too even though that's the closest i get

like it would've felt rlly good if id just been my 18-going-into-19 year old self

i seriously wish i could wanna fuck again !!!!! fucking around with people is fun as hell and one of the only ways i know how to feel close with someone it's just something i was only ever able to feel properly for four months last year

i got drunk and felt weird the whole time it sucked

it was weird being in an extremely horny space physically with that whole part of my brain non existent and i think that's part of why i freaked out

there's so much you could do for 80 minutes lol

i can't remember how long ago they asked if i wanted to eat idk what to do

the owner of the bears and weird highlights should too

the radio guy from vapour trails should walk the plank !!!!!

i have people im awkward around enough to feel some kind of want but nothing good or real because nothing has been

i almost never wanna date again just because i know it can only go badly at this point but i can't stay lonely like this i just can't move on and probably never will

im cuddling sharky right now though !!!! im so glad sharky loves this as much as me even if she's just a plushie and not real

i don't wanna make the mistake again and be with someone again over touch because no one is nice and knows how to just leave me alone

like yeah i had those needs in the past - briefly and eventually - and im putting so many chemicals in my body it's something that could chance because in always changing but right now i don't want any of that which people want after touching so much

i hate that my relationship with touch is what it is because it's wanting company and closeness after being so lonely for so long at a time but i also don't at all have any sexual needs and haven't for a while and that's fucked up what i think im meant to feel about liking someone

like yeah love can be sleeping with someone or being made to feel looked after and cared about or being hugged or told to shut the fuck up or being made a drink or getting sent a message

people show love so differently and in my own life i know the way ive shown love changes, as do the kinds of love i want to show and the ways in which i feel able to receive love

i do genuinely have lots of love in my life and im really grateful for it all, even tho it doesn't manifest how i expected it to and i can't feel it a lot of the time

im gonna post a little over here :3 hai friends >^.^<

i dont think i've ever had someone in my life who consistently makes me feel safe and seen in my delusions of mouseness come to think of it haha lmao

i like being cute and weird but when i get no attention anywhere im like whats the point lol

i think im too depressed to be a mouse on the internet

there are 3 maybe 4 people it doesn't apply to and none of them will see it probably

no one asked willow how her day was so she wrote an angry wall of text :( i hope this doesn't apply to me as her friend :(

a stronger mouse would be resilient and willing to stick it out without complaining but when i have low enough self esteem as it is, having friends who never show they care about what i think or feel or might be going through and yet expect me to care about what they say makes me feel like shit

i feel like ive had this streak of finding people who ive spent ages and ages with and got to know and been kind to and received barely any kindness from, like yes i care about you but only as much as i can care for someone who has never once gone out of their way to show they care for me at all