Portia Corbin

I just fixed a non-working garbage disposal ALL by myself: while holding a flashlight from my mouth.

Plz. Bow because I am a QUEEN.

Yeah. But I had to real quick make a skeet about my dad.

You had a wild night, huh?

Staying at my parents house tonight. There are THREE bathrooms in this house: and I just found my dad brushing his teeth in the kitchen.

My five year old asked me at bedtime “mom. Does God love the Devil?”

(The answer here is ‘yes.’)

But the point of this post is to say: keep asking questions like a five year old: and never ever stop.

@theodramatist.com

Our five year old has discovered “The Greatest Showman”
I caught her today making up her own song that had these lyrics “It doesn’t matter what you look like, it doesn’t matter what you sound like: God loves you: and you should be you: because you are so cool.”

Just overheard my 9 year old say “WELL I’M NOT GOING TO BE A PRIEST.”

Fair, girl, fair.

@theodramatist.com folded laundry and put some of our 8 year olds clothes in my pile thinking they were my size. I’ve never loved him more. (But also: WUT.)

Oh. They’re your kids too @theodramatist.com

My kids played “church camp” for literally 6 hours today and I am so happy.

I made this quilt a few months ago: in response to the current political landscape. The title is “who’s my neighbor?” It’s relevant every day, but especially today.

You can do it! Optimism ebbs and flows: but the Gospel of Jesus Christ is always real and true.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

What if I pour gin and tonic on your head tomorrow? What will that mean?

@theodramatist.com

Mom? How did you break up with your boyfriends before you met dad?

Um… I just told them this isn’t going to work.

WHAT?! I thought you poured chocolate milk on their heads!!!

Five year old: “MOM!! This is so crazy!! Mother’s Day was on a church day: AND FATHERS DAY IS ON A CHURCH DAY TOO! SOOOOOO CRAZY!”

Love you, boo. Also: nah.

True Facts from an 8 year old.

You know you’re getting old when you’re like “man… I don’t know what I ate: but something at that church potluck is making me burp all night long.”

Well I've learned that my 8yo is stoking theological controversy at school. In her words: "Dad the kids are saying when you die you go to heaven forever, but I've been telling them 'no, you go for a little while until the resurrection of the body.'"
attn: @phurns.bsky.social
🕯️

Not to brag: but when your kid has this in her room: you’re winning. ITS ME. I’m winning.

Peak Mom life is when your kid says “I don’t want to listen to mom’s weird music!”

THERES NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT 90’s COUNTRY. Especially driving through West Virginia. (I will not entertain arguments to the contrary.)

Five year old: “Mom? Will America get good?”

I blame @theodramatist.com for this nonsense.

Five year old: “why are you older than dad but dad knows everything?”

Me: “first of all, dad doesn’t know EVERYTHING. Second of all: God gave us all different gifts.”

Five year old: “maybe you should go to school more.”

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

It’s fine! We’re fine!! It was not fun when I woke up with a scratchy throat in Maundy Thursday. But we made it through!

Took my youngest in for her well child checkup. I explained to the doctor that our double clergy house is experiencing “post-Easter colds.”

He said “at least it’s not post-Easter Measles.”

I said: PREEEEAAAACH.

Then he told us not to travel to Texas.