COMMANDER KARKAT

OH GREAT, NOW IM BEING TARGETED BY A LIGHT SHOW!! THIS IS AN OVERREACTION AND ALSO ENTIRELY DESERVED.

FINE, SHOOT ME, PULL THE TRIGGER!!! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY SO I CAN FINALLY SLEEP.

OKAY???? AND?? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DENY IT OR SOMETHING???? QUIT POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS I'M BUSY HAVING A BREAKDOWN OVER MY SLEEPING SCHEDULE!!!!

I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE WANTED TO DIE MORE THAN I DO RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!!

DELETE THIS! DELETE THE WHOLE APP!!! DELETE THE INTERNET!!! DELETE YOUR PHONE INFO!!! DELETE YOURSELF !!! (I MEAN THAT LOVINGLY)

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?!
ACTUALLY ANSWER.
HONESTLY.
SCIENTIFICALLY.

SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THE EXPERT ON WRIGGLER TROLL HYBRIDS?!

[Karkat holds up his arm, the cuff on his wrist covered in bite marks/dents] >:[

WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS
SHES GOING TO GET SICK
THATS SOMEONE'S PET
I HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS
I AM LOSING MY MIND

SOLLUX MAY I REMIND YOU THAT SOMETHING DOES NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE BIGGER OR SMALLER THAN YOU IN ORDER TO RIP A THROAT OUT AND / OR CAUSE BODILY HARM?!

YEAH, FOR NOW
SHES GOING TO WORK HER WAY UP TO IT, OBVIOUSLY. LOOK AT HER. SHE KEEPS BITING EVERYTHING >:[

SPIT IT OUT, ARIYAH!!! SPIT. IT. OUT. WE DO NOT EAT AQUATIC LIFE UNLESS IT IS NOT A PET, PROPERLY PREPARED AND SEASONED!!!

THIS IS WHY TROLLS DON'T DO THE WHOLE "PARENTING" BIT!!!

STOP! FULL STOP!!! THIS IS NOT FUNNY. THIS IS EVIDENCE OF A HORRIFIC EVENT UNFOLDING RIGHT NOW!!!!

MY WRIGGLER IS DEVOURING PETS!!

THIS IS HOW IT STARTS!!! FIRST IT’S A GOLDFISH, NEXT IT’S THE FAMILY BARKBEAST, AND THEN IT’S ME!!!

//)hELLLP OMG 😭😭😭😭

OH FUCK YOU CAPTOR, SHE WASN’T “LOST” UNTIL IFREYA GOT INVOLVED. I’M HANDLING IT. EVERYONE ELSE CAN STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE /NOT/ HELPFUL!!!

NO. NO HEROICS. NO “STEP ASIDE, I GOT THIS.” BULLSHIT.

YOU DON’T GOT THIS. SHE’S A VANTAS. SHE’S MY RESPONSIBILITY. STAY BACK AND LET ME HANDLE IT!! [Karkat is about to have a fucking aneurysm]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST HER?! SHE'S LIKE A FOOT AND A HALF TALL AND DOESN'T STOP SCREAMING- HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE HER!?!?

NOBODY MOVE. THE SMALL ONE IS LOOSE!!! SHE HAS SHARP TEETH. SHE IS NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!! IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE, THEN DO NOT APPROACH THE TINY PINK TROLL!!!

[ Karkat lights the fire, thrusts a couple sticks and skewers at Gamzee, and glares]

THERE. IT’S LIT. YOU HAVE YOUR TOOLS. NOW TRY NOT TO TORCH YOUR FACE OFF LIKE THE SUGAR OBSESSED JACKASS YOU ARE.

AND YOU @mistakecollective.bsky.social BEHAVE

SHUT THE F****** AND EAT THE STUPID SUGAR TREATS THE CORRECT WAY YOU LITTLE GOBLIN

ABSOLUTELY THE F*** NOT

[Karkat lures Gamzee to a proper fire pit. He is already stacking wood into it, muttering about how he’s going to die surrounded by idiots with sugar addictions and no critical thinking skills]

STUPID. FUCKING. CLOWNS.

(anyways guys meet my good friend :3)

I WILL NOT BE LETTING HIM EAT THE TOXIC FUME ENCASED SUGAR SLOP. SORRY NOT SORRY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT’S IN A CANDLE? IT'S A FUCKING CHEMICAL COCKTAIL GAMZEE. YOU'RE NOT EATING THIS.

NOW COME THE FUCK ON SO WE CAN MAKE YOUR DUMBASS A PROPER FIRE FOR YOUR STUPID SUGAR SNACKS

SHUT THE FUCK UP HE IS NOT EATING IT [KARKAT AGGRESSIVELY SNATCHES THE MARSHMALLOW FROM GAMZEE]

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

[AGGRESSIVELY TAPPING THE POST FOR ANYONE THINKING IM "TOO MEAN" TO IFREYA]

METAL ANTS. BECAUSE APPARENTLY REGULAR ANTS WEREN’T ENOUGH OF A PESTILENCE, NOW THEY HAVE TO BE HUGE AND BULLETPROOF TOO. FUCK THIS.

ALSO WHY ARE YOU WRITING ME LIKE THIS WITH THREATS OF PARTY HATS?!

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU 𝗧𝗥𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 TO MAKE ME JEALOUS?! WHY DO YOU DO THINGS JUST TO GET A RISE OUT OF ME?!?!

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LOW QUALITY HUMAN SLOP GAME !!!

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?!

SHE ASKED ME FIRST. SHE ALWAYS ASKS ME FIRST!!

AND THEN YOU GUYS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SIT THERE AND OPENLY TALK ABOUT MAKING ME JEALOUS LIKE ASSHOLES?! 💢

WELL GUESS WHAT? I AM. CONGRATULATIONS, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WILLINGLY SUBJECT MYSELF TO A GARBAGE HUMAN GAME THAT DOES NOTHING BUT TURN FRIENDS INTO BACKSTABBING SHITSTAINS AND PARANOID LUNATICS?!?

I’M NOT PLAYING YOUR GASLIGHTING SPACE SIMULATOR 💢

SOBS WHY IS THIS SO CUTE

PREACH

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DO YOU EVER GET TIRED OF BEING THE MOST AGGRAVATING CREATURE TO EVER EXIST, OR IS THIS SOME KIND OF FULL-TIME PROFESSION FOR YOU???

DELETE THIS. DELETE THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I INVENT A NEW KIND OF SUFFERING JUST FOR YOU