um

the white girl at the rheumatologist said my name with perfect pronunciation…im impressed…

my mom literally just gave me a mullet so she has no reason to NOT know atp

people who make social media for their pets were stage parents in a different timeline (derogatory)

truuuuuuueeee

the thing about new coworkers is that you really dont know who is safe to test out new material on. which is horrible for a guy like me who always has new material

NOT AT ALLLLLLL

NOT having fun

so true

more people need to hang out with 80 year olds they have some real shit to say

a medication being called skyrizzy just feels like a fucking joke

stopped using twitter for good maybe cause it was giving me mental illness but here i am on the other twitter except this one doesnt feed my dopamine addiction

does anyone ever finish anything

thc topical sing my muscles to sleep

hannah enbiender whatever acts like a middle schooler cussing for the first time

and tablecloths and ladder

my job is literally panels. PAAANNEELLSSS

all the white non binaries are doing to lu what all the fanfic girlies of 2013 did to the name eleanor

i got new nail polish and of course im obsessed with it but tell me why it looks worse with no top coat. thats just devastating

this one is fine

booger blast

a month ago i kept saying being unemployed is the best thing ive done for my mental health but now i dont have money so its the other way around

listen at least i wait to unleash that after their parent have personally attacked me so its not my fault they are actual bitches….

this wouldnt be the first time a family member is mad at me for saying their parent is a bitch

nobody wants to talk about how isolating it is to find fart jokes funny in your 20’s

#DadReveal

elizabeth to beth to bethy to …buffy?

more like bobby gay

bobby flay looks like a little baby boy (derogatory)