Evany “Evany Thomas” Thomas

Up until 10 years ago, I thought I was living through the best of times (ATMs! Caller ID! Salted desserts! The internet!), only to realize now that these are the very worst, most embarrassing of times (Robots steal creativity! White men prevail! The death of science and education! The internet!)

$100 idea: an exercise/exorcise gym called Work Out Your Demons

The richest country in the world, going all out to make sure its people live a life that’s as small and dull and painful as possible

They don’t care about fairness to women athletes. If they did, they wouldn’t scrub evidence of our success from history. They don’t care about women’s safety in bathrooms. Otherwise they’d go after men who violate women. They don’t care about Jewish people. Otherwise they wouldn’t be sieg-heil-ing.

Please know that underneath everything I do (getting dressed, going to meetings) there’s this sweaty, red-faced voice screeching FUCKKKK YOUUU at all the selfish, greedy liars running our country right now, like a relentless deathmetal soundtrack.

I am so very excited to read this!

Okay phew. Haha! OXOXOXO

The hypocrisy is the point

Some good things are still happening!

Wait! Where are you going? Please don’t go!

Me, at my own funeral, via follow-up survey:

Please rate your experience:
º Most embarrassing thing Evany ever did/said?
º Most offensive?
º Most unforgivable?
º Any other secret opinions, judgments, or disappointments?

Thanks as always for your insights. FEEDBACK IS A GIFT!

Everything they do is making us less safe and our country less great

Lots and lots of places I used to shop at on this list

See also:
* poking into the payphone to check for change
* endlessly fiddle-flipping the ashtray on the plane open and close
* rolling down the car window
* pushing in and pulling out the molten-hot car lighter
* settling the removable faceplate back onto the car radio

What?! That’s amazing!

Hi, friend! What a terrible day. I’m feeling really low and scared and mad. I hate that the world is here again!

Thanks for sharing this thread. I just reshared it, too.

THREAD!

We need to stick together.

Each day I ask my teeth, “You want Regular or The Works?” Most mornings (and the occasional nooner) it’s Regular, but nights we go all out: cracks flossed, mouth washed, lips balmed, and each individual tooth lovingly brushed, buffed, and detailed.

This makes me SO MAD!

This feels like an engagement brag photo. All that’s missing is the giant diamond ring!

Came here to say this. Narwhal!!!

“I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR DAD!” is how we say “Merry Christmas” in our house.

I keep seeing this reference to public bathrooms as women's "private spaces" and I just do not understand it. Strangers are strangers even when they're women! We're not communing in there for hours at a time, talking about perimenopause and who's getting divorced and shaving our legs.

The logistics, timing skills, basic math, and ability to follow complicated instructions that go into the 3-day lead-up to a colonoscopy are so impressively involved, I now think this is what we should be using as the screening to qualify for every job in America.

Okay I think I may have the answer? Woke up with these words in my head: “just use the double-eyed can-opener trick”

From the idea larder:
Different flavors of toothpastes for different times of day or year (coffee, orange juice, pumpkin pie)

I’ve also caught myself seriously thinking about time travel

A small shivering part of me is still over here fantasizing about a LaLaLand/Moonlight mixup switcheroo whoopsie nevermind haha just kidding election results reversal

Thanks for the read rec. And for peeling open my peepers!

This is kafkaesque. They’d be better off trying to adopt their own babies!