in case of emergency rip ass 🔞

sh...shuffling fards......

it smells awful in here, if only there was someone around who would be willing to take all these farts for me.........

I can confirm this worked out just as well as I had hoped my ass fucking reeks right now

lactose intolerance has never before stopped me from consuming amounts of dairy I probably shouldn't, and it never will

skuuuuuuunk

just made myself a bowl of ice cream that is definitely far larger than I had intended and I'm ready to become everybody else's problem #fuckitweball

...I got a lotta tail to work with, you sure you wanna go down this route?

adorable handle big fan :333

"hope you don't mind the smell" is OUT. in 2026 i hope you DO mind the smell. i hope the smell has you curling your nose, making exaggerated faces and cursing me out

I'm kind of like the wildlife in fortnite in the sense that you can gain my companionship by either feeding me or sitting on me

i can't just be horny, i need to be mildly funny too

you fool! you've played right into my hand!

Will do!!! 🫡

meant to say this approximately 3 hours ago but brappy new year to all the stinkers in my phone !!! my new years resolution is once again to become Worse

having me here represented by a green wonkee balloon is an inspired choice lmao, I fw it
happy to be here, merry christmas dude!! :D

not since the incident...

thank you very much,,, I shall drink this at a concerning pace and then proceed to cause great lactose-induced havoc, which you may or may not end up experiencing point-blank (you will :333)

great idea! I can't imagine this going wrong in any way whatsoever!! :3c

perhaps you're right, it's christmas after all! surely nothing will go wrong, right? :3

Christmas fun fact: I am legally not allowed to have egg nog! You can probably guess why!

thank you so very much, you're a real one 🙏
how could I possibly repay you...,,

soooo... liiiiike..... I think I would do a pretty good job of this.......... if you're still in need of someone to do that to you.............. :3c

solid answer. that being said, I'll take the "couple decades" route on this one... cause, y'know, I'm a freak and all... and also this can only have a positive impact on my rent......

so.. so like... hey there...... :3

"all year" sounds like an awfully short time don't ya think?

I like pizza! I like burger! I like chicken nugget! And I like... honey mustard!

Wonkee BUTT