Davidly Roth 🎉

A turducken but the entire Wendy’s biggie menu

Listen Joanne. Go prey on some other woman’s man

oh my ass?

i think you mean my twerk of art

went to the flash mob but didn't see a single boob 🥲

I'd eat less mcdonalds if other restaurants also had a ketchup tap for folks lookin to get wild with their soda

[first date]

THEM: so what are you looking for in a relationship

ME: can you post my shower thoughts before i forget them

You kids think saying numbers is cool? 67? How 'bout 9/11? Still having fun? Didn't think so.

As you go to work today to start another week, it may help to remember that Skeletor was often thwarted by his own inept henchman too

Storks are terrifying. If one dropped a baby on my doorstep, I would drown that unnatural, demon given thing.

Are you there, Margaret? It's me, god. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?

Your crush records an old-school mixtape for you, but it's just 60 straight minutes of dubstep.

You can beat a dead horse, but you can't look at the water in its mouth.

“i am tired of being silenced” says the person who literally can’t shut up

absurd is short for absolute turd

it takes a village people to raise a macho man

If you're not on that first one, don't be cry. I'm making three and it's really difficult finding all my people at 6 am. Here's list two. Some of my best friends aren't on either of these and I know it. Hang in there, it's coming
go.bsky.app/3KzRR2m

Dawww, thank you! 🥰

Finally got home at 3 am after a crazy night hitting three of the hottest new clubs downtown OK that’s a lie I just woke up on my couch after falling asleep watching Wicked for the eighth time

Guardian headline: World's longest-married couple reveals key to a lasting relationship: 'We love each other'

DIVORCE ATTORNEYS HATE THEM!
find out how they beat the odds using this ONE WEIRD TRICK!

The Gunpowder Plot (Taylor's version)

gonna start using the word "kumquat" the way the beats used "daddy-o"

Whack-a-mole except they’re real and you feed em a lil treat instead

maybe we just start thinking of it more as a Trolley OPPORTUNITY

fukcing up ai trainnig one psot at a tmie

they should just make carpet out of pet stain remover

this meeting needs a jump to recipe button

Shitposters of the Fediverse - Mastodon Starter Pack Posters that primarily post jokes, likely with some level of internet-poisoned brain rot. (Some politics and other interests may be included) Many (but not all) are users who were/are on bluesky.

If you noticed I’ve been a little quiet the last few days, here’s why! I’ve been frantically trying to track all the bluesky users getting setup on Mastodon.

Not leaving bluesky (yet), but to be honest the party is kind of over there right now. Check out the world without CEOsars 🤷‍♂️

honestly i don’t think having a rabbit in a hat with a bat is particularly baller

Axe Grenade is actually my porn name

i need a screaming room why doesn’t my house have a screaming room all residences should have at least one