Nailed It! but for aspiring taxidermists
i was told social media was a waste of time on weekends and gdi i hate it when my mother is right
some of you have done very little to pump up the jam and it shows
i like big butts and sodium pentothal
centipede: *walking by*
Ariel: whoa what’d you trade
the moby dick guy should have set more realistic goals for himself.
“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i turn down the music in my car so i can see better
if the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you may be entitled to compensation
I point the gun at Gosling, then Reynolds.
"Neither of us is a clone!" Reynolds says.
"No shit, Gosling—no one said anything about clones!"
He confidently writes "9/11" on the whiteboard and pauses to glance around the pitch meeting. The suits lean in. He adds "S" to the end. Excited murmurs fill the room. He flashes a sly smile before performing the coup de grâce: changing the S into $. Everyone totally loses their shit.
i fucking love smashing buttons. what kind of button doesn't even matter at all. show me a button, and buddy, i'm gonna smash the shit out of it
i dont really like apples sigh i should have been a doctor
ily! 🥰🫶
I’d be much more into the Winter Olympics if the athletes were assigned their events randomly to add some relatable panicky cluelessness
And butts. Also butts
:important:
wow everybody and their
grandma is here! said the
cemetery groundskeeper
being a lifelong learner is so fucking hot, and also boobies
i’m a real gum shoe*
*mildly irritating and also I wear a deerstalker
yes yes truck nuts of course but where pray tell is the truck penis
goodnight you shit fucks (complimentary)
hard to believe we all knew mario was a plumber but we just let him practice medicine anyway, like "guy's definitely a doctor. it's fine. he's got a bag of pills." it was a different time.
you're in her dms.
i'm in her dms too. thank god we found each other. there's no way out. it's been 2 months and i've run out of food & fresh water.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Himalayan salt lamp?
gonna make coffee stirrer straw people of everyone in this meeting
who up cowering in a frozen outpost while their friends become monstrous facsimiles
sometimes I think about what I could accomplish if I actually got my shit together and then I yawn so big my jaw dislocates
creating chaos out of symmetry or so says ocd friend that lives in my head
imagine golfing with me
wrong, more weed
I want people to love me and also to stay the fuck away
