Allison Epstein

my cat and I have had adventures getting ready for the vet before but this is the first time I've looked in the mirror after and seen a smear of blood across my face like I'd just slain the Witch King of Angmar
(9lb cat pictured for reference)

I am generally not allowed to have much fun at work, so this is just for me I guess.

Check out this new episode of my podcast with @rapscallison.bsky.social about her *new* historical novel of early 19th century Russia, "Let the Dead Bury the Dead."

clairepotter.substack.com/p/episode-38...

Ahahahahaha calling my publisher right now, abandoning everything to write that instead

💜💜💜🦉

She's HERE!! 🦉❄️🌼 Couldn't be happier to launch my second novel, LET THE DEAD BURY THE DEAD, into the world. Find her wherever you buy books, including here: bookshop.org/p/books/let-...

every Jew who is against Israel should be allowed to scream at the top of their lungs at 9am sharp every day for the foreseeable future and no one is allowed to say anything about it

friendly reminder that you cannot tell someone's politics from their last name and it is wild that you think you can 🤘

lesbian weddings should be sponsored by Google spreadsheets

one week until pub day and I've only sent one panicked email asking if I should sell all my worldly belongings and become a lighthouse-keeper on Lake Superior, so all in all a success I think

my book is out in 9 days so to avoid thinking about it I repotted all my plants, reorganized the bookshelf, steam cleaned the floors, set up two months of bullet journal grids, and changed the sheets, does anyone else have a stupid task I can help with it's only 3pm

2023 is cancelled due to ongoing mechanical problems. I will resume making an effort on 1/1/2024. Kindly adjust your expectations.

me: man, this new job is really a trip, don't like the vibes here but I'm worried about leaving because I very much need stability rn
my daily tarot draws for the last three days: I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN BE CLEARER FOR YOU KIDDO

Book cover surrounded by the following text: - idealism vs. nihilism - rasputin energy - if baba yaga was a socialist - take the queer subtext from War and Peace and make it text - Slavic folklore - don't trust the owls - lovers to enemies - the author's anti-Napoleon agenda - unhappy families - labor unions

my 19th-century russia novel LET THE DEAD BURY THE DEAD is coming out in 19 days and it was 100% written by me, not an AI trawling the depths of the internet like a spooky tech bro parasite

(I made this lousy graphic myself too but I bet you could tell)

bookshop.org/p/books/let-...

YES although honestly also just "unnecessarily polite man" does it for me most of the time

corporate wants you to find the difference between these two boys with slicked-back hair, bisexual crises, coping mechanisms built of duct tape and chewing gum, and major daddy issues

This made me realize that another hallmark of my type is "recently came into money but grew up lower middle class and has a real heightened self-consciousness about being judged by people who were born into the world they just got access to"

*Roman Roy, Anthony J. Crowley, Jamie Tartt, Blackbeard, and Grantaire from Les Miserables have all entered the chat to look at me accusingly*

I call this "the sad queer smartass with a breaking point we will discover 2/3 through the show to devastating results," aka "The Kit Marlowe Effect"

Shawn Fain is not buying any bs about a division between the working class and the professional-managerial class.

lol I'll try any platform once apparently

Or! Wild idea but hear me out with this one—

names I've mentally given to chapters in Our Rotten Hearts, a serious literary book set in Regency London:
- Bad Times at TGI Friday's
- Ash Ketchum in the Safari Zone
- Cogsworth Gives Dating Advice
- Violent Theater Kids Go to Denny's
- My Fair Lady Does Crime
- Call the Midwife But Sadder Somehow

Listen. If you have a baby you have an ethical obligation to put that baby in a pumpkin. I don't care what kind of pumpkin. Put them in the pumpkin. Take lots of photos. Bring joy to the world.

me yesterday: what if every word I've ever written is garbage, I should abandon writing and take to the sea
me today: BOOK THREE IS SO GOOD IT'S GOING TO WIN THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR CHEMISTRY

the answer is Lord Byron and I would do it through adrenaline like a mom throwing a car to save her child

A tuxedo cat sitting on a scratch pad looking unrepentant

the demon in question, who bit my feet six times already today and it's not even 7:30am

"introduce yourself to the new platform, Allison!"
well I just spent 20 minutes singing a custom version of The Ballad of Sweeney Todd to my cat, beginning with "Attend the tale of Mina Bean, the smallest kitty you've ever seen" and ending with "the demon kitty who bites feet"

so my day job is staffed by people either age 60+ or age <25 and somehow I am now responsible for emotionally regulating all of them

in this environment, *I* am the chill and reasonable one, god help us