introspective twat

coming back on here because i need an outlet. i realise I've been pretty behind on my journaling/reflection

all the best buddy, i have trust and faith in you 🥰

really need to start incorporating meditation into my daily routine regardless of how i feel to build my mental strength and stamina. haven’t always been the best at beating the intrusive thoughts to shut down

a good reminder that you could always find a solution to every problem and you don’t have to ruminate on the things that weigh you down.

the meditation today felt very liberating as i felt that the fog in my brain has lifted ever so slightly for me to see a light at the end of the tunnel

felt another wave of overwhelming emotions today & it seems like my executive functions are inhibited. in fact, i’ve been feeling this way for quite some time now. I am someone with a lot of aspirations in life but now it feels like i’m trying to run a marathon with balls and chains tied to my feet

thank you so much buddy, nice to know that i’m not going thru this alone 💪

what i mean is im thinking a bunch of things that, in my head, looks like a bunch of ropes knotted up in a ginormous entangled mess. i cannot pinpoint what they are and where they originated from and it’s making me feel like i do not have control of my own thoughts and it’s frustrating

started meditation today. it did help to come my anxious thoughts but i think the next step in getting past this is understanding what these thoughts are and where they come from

today i relapsed

every time i get anxious i go on a stalking spree just so i feel like im in control of my relationship and i’ve been meaning to stop that

this conditioned how i view relationships. i feel like i only deserve to be loved if i can fill a gap in my partner’s life (not talking about topping hehehehe). but as i reflect more on this, shouldn’t it be the case that my partner accepts who i am as a person—that way i can grow at my own pace?

people pleasing tendencies. as i continue my journey in life, i tend to realise that i start hyper analysing people in the room to sieve out how i can add value to their lives in order for me to feel like i have a place in society. hmm wonder why’s that

this also led me to wonder about my current relationship. i’m suddenly doing all these things to better myself only because i didn’t wanna let my partner down. so why is it that everything i do has to be motivated by external factors and not out of my own willingness to improve?

nobody told me that fixing this rotten brain of mine could be this hard omg

been trying to cut down how much i’m using tiktok and it’s only working because i’m keeping myself busy by meeting people and going for dance. i spent the day at home working and i found myself reaching out to my phone whenever im bored, intermittently opening the clock app.

i need to stop indulging in social media content and start engaging in useful material TT

Oh brain rot made a reappearance. I apologise

THAT TOOK SO MUCH OF MY BRAIN POWER I WAS STUCK ON MY PHONE FOR 15 MINUTES JUST WRITING THIS THREAD CUZ MY BRAIN WAS NOT WORKING W ME

whenever possible, i want to read more and reflect more to stimulate my brain in a beneficial way again. thankfully i could use this platform as my personal diary, a log of promises i made to myself and a log of my improvements (if any)

I used to be quite good at writing and being creative with my vocabulary. However, these days, just getting my mind to think about words is real challenge enough.

this also actually just made me realise how unattractively i structure my sentences. they lack personality, they don’t sound fancy or interesting. they don’t sound like they’re written by someone who spends their time writing novels and poems. the way i speak is just boring, period.

if you cannot tell by now, this tweet was really just me trying not to speak brain rot and it took a lot out of me.

gotta be frank, ever since i started being hopelessly addicted to social media, my command of the english language had deteriorated tenfolds…. reading doesn’t help either thanks to how short my attention span is now, leading to a lack of critical reflection that sparks the activation of the brain

oh i’m actually quite curious, when you talk about a separate server, does that mean the social circles on different servers will not overlap?

honestly i’m not sure what the true benefit to using bsky from a critical standpoint cuz it’s just gonna enlarge the filter bubble making the echo chamber more filtered and focused….