Lucy

Cartoon by Stephen Collins for The Guardian. Script as follows: 1 They say there’s a man who appears in the night In our towns up and down this great nation [Show a High Street at night, empty, with a dark, giant figure appearing round the corner, holding a long brass horn, like the BFG] 2 With his magical horn blowing tunes of decline And high-street enshittification 3 He’s changing the bookshop in dead of the night [Show a bookshop sign being changed to a betting shop] 4 and the butcher is now called ‘Vape Lizard’ 5 He’s re-named Smiths after some bloke he made up [Show the sign ‘TG Jones’] 6 And the pub is a rates-dodge called: Wizardz [this is the front of a knock-off Harry Potter shop] 7 The Shop Changer’s coming! The Shop Changer’s coming! He loves vapes and American candy 8 And when he bends down ‘neath his trousers you’ll find 9 An Amazon locker - so handy! [The Shop Changer is kneeling down to blow his trumpet at a shop - and we see that his bum is actually an Amazon Locker pickup point, with a keypad/scanner point above his bum crack] 10 So next time you find you’ve got something to buy Just wave your QR near his crack [Show a terrified person doing this, and the Shop Changer’s bum disgorging an Amazon parcel] 11 Then run from the high street as fast as you can [They run away, holding their Amazon parcel] 12 And never, ever go back [Show them running away from the High Street] [/ends]

Pope Francis receiving a warming stripes stole. Photo: Vatican Media

“Never have we so hurt and mistreated our common home as we have in the last two hundred years. Reducing greenhouse gases requires honesty, courage and responsibility. Those who will have to suffer the consequences will not forget this failure of conscience and responsibility.” — Pope Francis

Putting JD Vance in the same building as the dying Pope was the political equivalent of watching SoccerAid, where you watch an aggressively douchey YouTuber try to dribble past a retired Paolo Maldini, and the gulf in class is instantly vast

Fair play to the Vatican for the savvy legacy management: “Was the Pope a good leader? Well, before you answer, here’s JD Vance to stand next to him”

Ten miles of pure Ravilious country yesterday. 500m of elevation, battling the winds all the way.

HANNAH INGRAM-MOORE: [Yelling]

You can keep your 2025 headliners - the skinny jean, graffitied Converse and eyeliner-wearing teenager in me cannot WAIT to dance my little heart out to all the 00s bands at Glastonbury. Front and centre Franz Ferdinand here I come.

Christ, was the corpse of Oliver Cromwell busy?

Screenshot of an eBay listing which reads Very good condition for age but does have some hair loss so please look very carefully at photos. Has growler but it does not work.

New bio, thanks eBay

You’re never too old for a dinosaur sticker from the hospital, right? (They were clean out of ‘I went to Thailand and all I got was this lousy tropical disease’ ones.)

4,000 litres of diesel spilled into the River Wandle this week . Criminal . Please help South East Rivers Trust fund recovery efforts and guard against this type of pollution in the future . Please donate if you can www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/save-the-r...

Video: Mirrhyn Stephen

TRUTH.

I'm only 37, but I quietly worry about the people, mainly younger, at work who refuse to connect their laptops to the bigger screens at eye level on each desk, instead looking down at their smaller screens all day. It can't be good for their necks or general posture.

My partner isn't allowed ask me questions during the Six Nations.

Not for any misogynistic reasons, I just don't want her to realize that I still don't understand all the rules of Rugby despite watching it for twenty years.

My January reading continues abound with blankets, tea, brownies and this gorgeous sweeping family saga from Harriet Evans. The perfect read for the semi-housebound in this interminable January.

Save The Prince Charles Cinema The iconic Prince Charles Cinema in London’s West End future is under serious threat! We are beyond disappointed that our landlords Zedwell LSQ Ltd and their ultimate parent company Criterion Capital...

#SaveThePCC

Some of you may have read about the situation regarding our new landlord wishing to add a new redevelopment break clause, with only 6 months notice to our lease.

For now, we're simply asking you all to share & sign the petition below;

you.38degrees.org.uk/p/princechar...

Rich people are so boring these days. They just want more money. Paul Newman invented a salad dressing that gave to charity. Wise up. Sick of it.

Oh here you all are! Nice to see so many familiar faces over here.