maggie 🗡️🦇

anyways 🏳️‍⚧️

y’all are gonna be mad… I’ve not worked on my tjpw art, like, hardly at all 🧍 I’m only now trying to get in the headspace to WANT to work on it. crying it all out yesterday helped me, I think. that’s probably tmi but idc, I’m just being transparent now I guess

my fomo is so bad, and I feel odd taking a break from it, but I suppose I should try. maybe I’ll prioritize tjpw, just out of necessity, and let myself get back to everything else later. I miss everyone tho 😔 thank you for your words <3

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happy international women's day to all my trans sisters who have to fight this stupid ass country to prove they are who they say. today is for you too 🥂

when one loves wrestling so much, it really hurts for their mind to be what keeps them from it.

I don’t say any of this as a cry for help, I just needed to talk about it. none of it is easy. it’s hard to even talk about it. everything feels impossible, but I finally managed to express my words.

I just felt like I needed to talk about this. my minds been pretty bad this week, and talking about some of it actually feels appropriate. I don’t feel like people talk often about how their depression affects their relationship to wrestling. dealing with it sucks.

I want it back, but I can’t physically find a way back yet. all I want is to get better and to watch the ridiculous thing I love all the time again. I don’t feel like me without wrestling, and I’ve not really, truly felt like me in a long time. everything has been off since before all in texas.

I hate that my mental state continues to ruin things for me over and over. wrestling is such a massive part of my life. it inspires me and makes me laugh and cry and yell and have something to look forward to and talk about. having it ripped from me in this way hurts so bad.

it is not subtle. it’s not something I can hide anymore. they have refused to heal, despite my best efforts, and I feel so defeated. I don’t even want to go to tjpw now because I’m so ashamed and sad and feel so gross. idk if anyone understands that, but it’s been eating me alive for days.

it’s a long story, but I’m still dealing with my stye problem. of course it started to escalate last week, and I look terrible. I’m not sure if it will improve in two weeks, and I can’t get a surgery date until april. I don’t even want my family to look at me, let alone any other person.

late 2024-early 2025, tjpw was the only thing keeping me going. now, I’m not caught up at all. I’m two weeks away from seeing them in dallas again, and I’m so lucky for that, but the excitement I was feeling is gone. I have had multiple anxiety attacks over it, and have cried over it.

stardom is the only thing I semi-frequently watch. the only thing I care about in wrestling is the rian and akira rivalry. nothing else current strikes excitement and joy and euphoria like those two fighting each other. but now I’m like a week behind on stardom and can’t catch up due to the sad.

I wish I was motivated to watch for kenny or takeshita or kris or okada or bandido or roddy or shibata or timeless love bombs or literally anybody. any of my favs. but that’s how bad my mind is, I can’t even make myself watch for them. I should miss aew, but I don’t. why don’t I miss it?? :(

it’s hard to see everyone else enjoying aew when this is the longest I’ve gone without watching. I’m a month behind. I’ve never missed more than a week in 6+ years. aew made me love wrestling and it sucks to feel like I don’t even care about it anymore. it existing has entirely changed my life.

I wish it was as easy a fix as just turning on a show or promotion I know makes me happy. it’s exhausting to watch anything, especially live. I’m too tired to have the energy or desire to turn anything on. it’s so hard. I can’t keep up, and I feel so disconnected. it breaks my heart.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but my depression has destroyed how I consume and enjoy wrestling. there was a time where wrestling was the only thing that could bring me joy, but that joy is only captured in small moments now, and those moments are extremely fleeting.

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Hoping to reopen commissions soon. If you’re interested in anything I can do? Shoot me a message.

one would be so fun and I’d get to travel, but it would take work to get to that point, and I have no clue how to do it

the other is very serious, but involves what I originally started college for, I know how it works (to an extent), and it would help people

IM CONFLICTED

maybe I should write an essay about my two career paths that I’m considering to compare my options

I have had many years of not knowing what to do with my life. nothing ever called to me. now I think something might be, and it scares me. it’s interrupting all the things I had as options instead. I feel conflicted. college destroyed me before, I’m scared of having to go back.

nothing like a 7am identity crisis, am I right?? 🤩

this is horrifying. this is why they say death to america. because all we bring is death to their children and people

THAT ENTRANCE LMAOOO OH I HOPE HES HAPPY BEING A SELLOUT HAHAH

I’ve never laughed so hard at an entrance. there are tears in my eyes

so the fedhausen prophecy came true

my brother and I really do not feel like watching live wrestling tonight, so we shall recede off of the internet and catch up on stardom later

AWE THIS IS SO CUTEEE

AEW × ポケモンのファンアート。ポムケンのスピポムが、スピードボール・マイク・ベイリー風のコスチュームを着て、「SPEEDBON」と書かれたヘッドバンドとチェック柄のリングギアを身につけている。ハートが輝く瞳でにっこり笑い、キラキラしたピンクの背景に描かれている。 AEW x Pokemon fanart of a Pombon called "Speedbon", dressed as Speedball Mike Bailey, wearing a “SPEEDBON” headband and checkered wrestling gear. His name in Japanese is スピポム Supipomu. ( #AEW | #art | #pokemon tags for my personal art feeds. )

Speedbon Mike Pomuley 🔥

I should be drawing arisu but I’m being bad… I had a vision, I needed to draw it.