@richardbuss.bsky.social
I kidnapped someone’s dog, held him hostage, and successfully extorted my neighbor for a pizza in exchange for his safe return.
The dog’s safe, the human’s happy, and I got pepperoni justice. We’re all winners here.
10/10 would ransom again.
Escalators never break. They just become stairs.
08.04.2025 15:58 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Republicans rallying around the world’s richest man while taking away free lunches for poor children is peak America.
24.03.2025 01:54 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0"I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language.
"I do" is the longest.
Ive basically given up entirely except for my refusal to wear crocs.
10.03.2025 00:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
I don't like going outside.
09.03.2025 20:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Face it. You were never as cool as me.
09.03.2025 18:50 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I'm going to need Elon Musk to send me a list of five reasons why his rocket failed for the 8th time 🤣
08.03.2025 19:23 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Getting old is weird. You're still the same enthusiastic kid but you're trapped in this less than cooperative body.
08.03.2025 00:14 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Watching Top Gun today.
07.03.2025 18:11 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
This is true love.
07.03.2025 18:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Every family should have a candy drawer. This is ours.
06.03.2025 19:22 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
This me... While I was in the United States Marine Corps.
06.03.2025 19:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I used to own a purple car. Don't judge me.
06.03.2025 04:06 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 1If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
05.03.2025 17:09 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I was the local mascot for eight years and no one knew it was me.
05.03.2025 16:51 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I will never be this cool again. Sad.
05.03.2025 16:51 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
02.03.2025 20:32 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Yes please.
02.03.2025 20:31 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
At the chocolate ball...
02.03.2025 20:31 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Lunch.
02.03.2025 00:40 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Our country used to stand for democracy. Now not so much.
28.02.2025 19:42 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
What is this?
28.02.2025 19:41 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0“The choice is no longer between right or left. The choice is between normal and crazy.”
- Sarah Huckabee Sanders
I heart San Francisco.
27.02.2025 17:24 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
In every relationship there is a person who stacks dishes in the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and a person who stacks the dishes in the dishwasher like a raccoon on meth. Which one are you?
27.02.2025 17:23 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
25.02.2025 16:33 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Every day you should make new friends.
24.02.2025 17:30 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Pizza is life.
24.02.2025 17:29 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0The entire month of February could’ve been an email.
20.02.2025 20:49 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
