Mr. Ben

Tuddy and Henry Hill in Goodfellas

Trump sending Tuddy back and forth in the rain to talk to Epstein.

Nah, but for real though, you gotta hate gross, criminal shit in the highest office.

*crowd gives me a 20 minute standing ovation. I never have to work again.*

Incredible to see a former al-Qaeda commander in studio on Fox News being asked about 9/11, barely condemning it, and the interviewer quickly moving on to the Abraham Accords /cox ONFU/S channel EXCLUSIVE TERRORISM TIES

Happy Veterans Day and welcome back to our ongoing coverage of “al-qaeda, Are They Cool Now?”

Oh no. I'm afraid.

I bought some teenagers some butterbeers in exchange for a horcrux.

I crushed it up and snorted it. I'm not afraid.

Auroraborawora? I don't have time for that Hogwarts shit.

chuck schumer has been barred from formally observing this year's lexus december to remember sales event. they can't stop him from standing outside, but he will not be allowed into the showroom and he cannot directly behold the obelisk or participate in the thousand screams

I hate playing the packers. It's always ugly as fuck. Offense owes the defense their game checks.

Go birds.

I always shit on uniform combos that are kinda easy targets, so I'll give you one I actually like that most people think is trash.

Green helmet. Black jersey. Green pants.

I think it's the best look of all the black alternates, and I miss it.

If they're going to wear white jerseys and black pants, the Eagles made the right call wearing the black helmet.

But they shouldn't do that. And this offensive performance should explain why.

Probably just needs to play 50 turns. Get the real experience.

Trump in the broadcast booth during live play 😑

I just don't want to hear that fucking moronic voice anymore, and he rambles about the dumbest shit all the time.

Anybody and everybody who gives him a live mic is a human piece of shit.

Great. Now they think I want to hear Trump during the one football game in the later slate that is slightly interesting.

So that's enough nfl for today.

He's talking right at you. Daring you to do something about it.

The "target" field goal line shouldn't be the 50. I fucking hate that.

The press utterly silent about a clearly impaired elderly GOP president who cannot keep his eyes open. Lapdogs to the end.

When Biden was still riding a bike, every article was "Why isn't our frail Dem president popping wheelies?"

Tang the Cat. RIP

Had to say goodbye to a real one tonight.

Rest in peace, Tang.

Aka Mr. Tango. Aka Buddy Huggz. Aka Tango Khan. Aka way too many nicknames because he was that big of a deal.

There's nothing in it, proving the energy was inside of you all along.

Until the end of the government shutdown, our campaign will be donating $2,500 a month to a food pantry in the Ninth District.

And to my fellow candidates, I challenge you to do the same:

Sure fuck it who even cares anymore

If you hold your poop in, it'll travel to other portions of your body.

And that's where we'll find the next evolution.

the first time I was in las vegas my father-in-law made us rent cars to get around, and when this came on satellite radio while I was being forced to navigate the strip at midnight I yelled at everyone in the car to shut up so I could fucking lock in

Rodney Dangerfield

i had a sandwich thrown at me but the jury said it wasn't deadly. i should have told them my wife made it!

Still from the movie Goodfellas showing Tommy shooting Spider in the club with everyone flinching away but the gun has been replaced with a sub sandwich

In the break room drinking milk like a psychopath

A wood chuck wouldn't do that shit. Not to me.

Rhythm will be a dancer. We're fucked.

*Trying to talk with a mouth full of roast beef sandwich*

C'mon. He did fine. We need to stop demonizing people we have political disagreements wi-

*Dies from Gavin Newsom's poisoned roast beef sandwich*