Roundening Roua

Only thing left to do is catch up on the last year of journaling so I can use it as a resource again, and then I won’t be posting personal things here at all

Back in therapy, gigging with friends, working on my muscle imbalances, stepping up in work, organising and MC-ing my own event for this summer’s Pride, DATING??? Everything’s coming up Roua and I’m so glad I’ve detached my feelings & expectations from this fandom and the people in it.

I forgot to mark 6 weeks sober but ig it’s still important to keep track! I love that I can tell my brain is healing and mood is stabilising by how much less I post on this account ❤️‍🩹

I’m eating three meals a day plus snacks and I’m STILL losing weight! I’m under 11st now, around 153lbs ;~;

I don’t think I’ve ever been this skinny. I’m even giving my dad body envy and he’s part of the reason I have issues with my body in the first place LMAO

Just getting heavier while I throw my weight around in your lap

You’re coming from a place of earned derg wisdom and experience now ^w^

Y’ever wanna take the same type by the shoulders and say “please try and get over your Peter Pan Syndrome before you’re 30 and still flirting with 19 year olds”

Y’ever wanna take a certain type of wannabe gainer by the shoulders and say “300 pounds isn’t gonna fix you, if you don’t work on your confidence and emotional shit all you’ll be is 300 pounds and even more insecure in yourself”

5 weeeeks ❤️‍🩹 I’ve become an uncle in the meantime and I cried a lot, reheheh

Is it frustrating and depressing realising that my already negligible sex drive completely relied on me having a belly and nothing else comes close to substituting it? Yes.

Is it hot that I can’t get off without being a little fat? …YES

Aw man, I was really looking forward to having my first Valentine’s Day in a proper relationship ;~; I know now that it wasn’t that and I only would’ve been disappointed, but still … reh

Today was particularly stressy. If I’d had weed in my system it would’ve been so much worse. It’s hard to think about the positives but I’m so much better off than I was a month ago, I know that for sure— even if it doesn’t feel like it lmao

One month sober ❤️‍🩹

The bad days are still awful and the good days are either unsustainably manic or flattened of their benefits by my brain’s lack of ability to produce dopamine by itself yet after how much I fucked it with weed, but … I’m here, I guess

Lifting weights and slurping shakes 🏋️‍♂️🥤

Tried something new…I like it but I need to find one I won’t bust out of 😂

Drawing of a puppy with the caption; "Puppy want a treat? puppy want a break from it all"

Puppy want a break

Photo of me in the shower

Went to get Shabu Shabu and damn I gorged myself silly...

Guy was like “what, are you hiding a hairline like the guy on your left?” and the guy on my left was my dad BAHAHAH

I’m so gagged I went to my first comedy show in years and got roasted for wearing a hat indoors LMAO

It gets to a point…

Thank you Mazh ;-; <33

This is probably the most drastic transformation I can find (2018 - 2025) Completely buried myself in blubber and became barely recognizable and I wanna do it all over again. 🐷🥵

Me on weed tbh, but fuck, not anymore thank god! I wanna build a life with real people who Do Things and inspire me and, within this community, don’t take this furry stuff too seriously bc at the end of the day we can’t find healing in other people who are unhealed

I mean if your idea of friendship is chasing people who show no real interest in you and see you as a dog looking for headpats because of whatever core wound you aren’t tending to, go nuts, but it won’t fill the hole and it’s distracting you from what real life has to offer, like *gestures* outside

I’ll talk to anyone because I like to make people feel good, but people are too loose with the term “friend” around here for sure

Do I still think this community has an issue with mistaking fawning over people you don’t really know and ogling their bellies with actual friendship and connection? Yeah, but at least on my side I now have the discernment to see those types and stay the fuck away from them for my own sanity, growth

I really thought I was done with the fatfur shit but I was really only done with one specific flavour of it that jarred with my need for something more balanced and ig less about validation-seeking? I feel like I can approach it in a healthier way now and BOY do I have some good stories on the way

Three weeks without the crutch that hobbled me. Call me Christopher cos baby, I’m walkin’ now ❤️‍🩹