Laughs from the void

Make enemies this summer!
Plant goldenrod, chop down a Bradford pear, attract bees.

You say bugle fingers, I say dynasty nails fit for an emperor

Fishflix & krill, whale of a time

I bet you thanked me when you did the trick I showed you on your partners last night ho

Some people could really use gettin hit by a bicycle more.

If you can't take me at my Cryptid Cryptic phase then you don't deserve me at my spicy incubus phase Jeremy.

Gettin zootted, flootted, screwded on a Wednesday, yeehaw!

I do not dream of labor naive, I meditate on unrealistic scenarios that will never happen. We are not the same

Look Karen, if you wanted a slave go on Craigslist, this is a coffee shop.

Remember creatures and cryptids: always negotiate relentlessly with the middle aged mean person who tells you how much your college will cost.

Would you still love me if I summoned Danny the tickler from the eighth astrological ring of the underworld?

What's the point of being a practitioner of the arts of magick if I can't also do casual drugs.

I feel like two dollar bill, cursed but collectable.

If I can't collect rain water and an Ecological gold mine of indigenous plants you can't have a fuckin privacy bamboo wall Janet.

Them: Can't you just be normal?

Me: I am normal, you're just repressed sweetheart

The queer urge to destroy a mid life crisis of het white women's night out is strong

Arugula is for people who want lettuce to taste like pepper

Her: my bf is bragging to his friends I have no gag reflex ugh.

Me: your brother doesn't have one either, guess it runs in the family

Her: gross!

Them have I ever shown you my brother (hold up pic on phone*

Me: *spits out drink*

Them: what?!

Me: he's got daddy issues I've personally explored, at length

Them: uhhhhhh

I f I had a dollar for every hookup I've had I'd be able to pay my crippling medical dept

It's not a perfect solution but iced mocha w/ oat is sometimes better than beating a politician to death with the constitution. You know like on Tuesdays n stuff

I don't want to work, I WANT to cast spells naked at 3 am higher than the moon

Them: dollar for your thoughts?

Me: oh just fantasizing about the fall of capitalism

If 30 is the new 18 then why does my body feel 65 and ready to retire?

It's called Swamp witch coutore you capitalist troglodyte

You ever get annoyed by your inner voice

Them: what's an inner voice

Me: so that's a no, got it...

If you don't hate grass don't talk to me about eco anarchy philistine

I need a pic me up, lemme see if any billionaires died

Fish don't exist technically but we needed a word for these little funky freaks

What's the difference between a queer eco socialist and a queer old ones pagan? The technique used to destroy fascists.