My wife (Jankusette) has filed for divorce "effective immediately!"
07.03.2026 01:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0My wife (Jankusette) has filed for divorce "effective immediately!"
07.03.2026 01:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Uh, wow! Just found out Food Lion has a very strict "No Above-The-Pants Handjobs" policy!
#AmericaIsFucked
I just shit my pants so badly that my ex wife says she's coming for full custody of the kids!!!
#family
#goddamnit
OW! MY FAT ASS!
31.01.2026 09:11 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
"Stick to touching your own ass and balls!"
- My haters after I spoke out against ICE.
I WILL NOT STICK TO TOUCHING MY ASS AND BALLS! THOUGH I AM GOOD AT THAT!
Filling up water balloons with piss so I can throw them at my son when he "walks for graduation!"
#family
Can't remember if I shit my pants, so I'm gonna shit my pants again just to be safe!
#NFLPlayoffs
My dad just fucked my uncle!!!
18.01.2026 01:53 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Running up to all the ICE agents bothering people in my community and biting their penises off!
#fuckICE
Just tasted a little bit of my own shit. This tastes like absolute ASS!
#Foodies
How am I supposed to bang my mom if she's already banging my dad?????
22.12.2025 05:18 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3: Somebody (Me) Cum Blasted in the Pants!!!
#Cinema
#Film
#NewMovies2026
My penis and my ass and my balls and my mom and my dad!
16.12.2025 04:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I have a big ruler that I bought from Home Depot, and you know what? I'm thinking I'm going to stick this bad boy directly up my asshole!
12.12.2025 02:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I am THIS fucking close to shitting my pants! I WILL SHIT!
11.12.2025 03:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
My Spotify Wrapped top song was "Please Stop Grabbing My Fat, Disgusting Ass -- It Hurts My Fat Ass When You DO THAT, You Rat Fuck Piece Of Shit!!!!"
🤣 Lmao! Not surprising! The life of a parent, I guess!
#SpotifyWrapped
Grandpa just showed up dressed as the QAnon Shaman screaming "MERRY CHRISTMAS! GUESS WHO HAS PRESENTS!?"
We might have to euthanize grandpa.
#family
Everyone please go to SqueezeMyFatAss dot com (my grandson's new website!!!!!!)
#family
#support
#familyvibes
Getting ready to kick the fuck out of my grandpa during the family Thanksgiving football game tomorrow!
27.11.2025 04:49 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0The wife is telling me not to shit my pants. I'm thinking that I'll still do it, though.
21.11.2025 21:04 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Thinking about calling the cops on my kids so they'll shut the fuck up!
#parenting
My balls smell like my ass and my ass smells like my balls!!!
17.11.2025 05:53 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Me (whispering): "What's your favorite part from Marvel Studios' Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania? My favorite part is when they go to Quantumania because it says in the title they are going to do that."
The person I'm having sex with: "What?"
Me to a group of shoppers in Food Lion: "So here's the thing."
*Pulls out a picture of my penis and ballsack painted and dressed up like Marvel Comics' The Thing.
#MCU
Watching Chicago Fire and seeing how many rubber bands I can stretch over my nutsack!
13.11.2025 00:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0My beloved uncle (Dennis "Shit Ass" Jenkins) just tried to suck my dick and played it off like he was going for a penny!!!!!
11.11.2025 02:03 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Maybe my hog was the one cranking ME all along!!!
10.11.2025 02:57 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Me: "Is this some kind of sex thing? Because I'm not doing this if it involves someone penetrating my feeble asshole!"
The Burger King cashier: "Jesus fucking christ, sir, will you just take your change?"
My grandpa showed up today for Thanksgiving. He's such a stupid fucking dumb dipshit.
03.11.2025 02:22 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0If I'm such a "pervert," why do I always make time to tip the Walmart greeters before heading to the garden section to crank my dick?!?
02.11.2025 03:34 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0