Fallingbossa

It's an old photo though,, my hair doesn't look like that anymore

I think it never happened - me using a photo of myself as pfp

a blender 3d render of a viewmaster-style scene with kermit and robin the frogs looking at a real frog.

ok ok last muppet render for now 🐸

Oh god I need to sign the Patreon again urgently

hello.. i am working on a new comic called TONI IN THE PIT 👊 ! i already made the first six pages which are up on patreon! whether u know my ocs or not— if u like characters who have so much pent up rage they can’t keep up their facade anymore, this comic for u :•) stay tuned ! ^_^ #ewlat

Yes, this is about OCD. I just get even more shocked by the fact that all three members that were there - none of them thought it wasn't a good idea to mention a literal disorder in vain like this.

I know I act oblivious, weird, miserable and that I can't express myself properly, I truly do know that, which makes me comprehend purely why people can despite me. But make fun of something that almost killed me was truly not what I expected.

As someone who already feels that isn't taken seriously by anyone, or that issues are neglected or underlooked, mainly this was a huge issue during my whole life, seeing it happen made by people I looked forward to was truly disappointing. And I don't have the guts to call them out.

I think the joke was just a push for this all to happen. I'm posting it here just to be sure one of the members who interacted with the joke doesn't see my post, since it can be harmful to them.

I know I am the mod, and I could just do something about it. But before it happened I was already starting to decline, so I decided to just leave.
Ofc the whole reason I'm like this nowadays isn't fault of the joke only, but of other things I was dealing with as well

This mental illness literally made me lose a big part of my teenage years, it made me not eat, not talk, have crises every day, try to kill myself frequently - and etc, so seeing people joke/mention it in an un‐serious way truly made me feel unwell

The reason I uninstalled Discord was that I thought it was too much.
Before I had a downgrade in my health, I was already feeling bad, and when I saw some members mentioning one of my mental illnesses as something unserious / joke, I simply decided to leave.

To make things clear, I'm not an alter. I don't have DID, but yes, a personality disorder that is related to a coping mechanism I have

It's so weird being back here (I'm not talking about the app)
I mean, I normally am in the more subconscious part but now being in control again (sort of) is definitely something

Por que o chittan brasileiro tá curtindo meus posts?

Atp I will put my clothes to school on already, so when I wake up I will already be ready.

Okay, nice, now I have one hour to sleep

Whenever I make more blunt posts I feel like I'm being overdramatic or victimizing myself, I hate doing this but it feels nice putting the thoughts out

Guess I meant that I was a really annoying kid (still am)

When I said I "used to ask for respect" I meant as:
Whenever I saw someone getting bullied, or anyone harming anyone else, I would get my feet in the middle, or if I for example saw people not giving pass for a woman holding a baby on the train I would yell that there is a baby passing by etc

And whenever it feels that something is unfair they just put themselves in the middle, like when I took that girl's doll and ran away with it because she didn't want to play with me and kept leaving me out while I just wanted to befriend her since she was popular

I was a really weird kid

I can't really feel mad at other kids, or those I got to know in my early childhood, I would have left myself out too if I were young
Imagine it, a kid that acts weirdly comparing to others, asking to join, asking for respect , calling people out for wrongdoings, nomal kids don't do that

Though, I really like to put in my bios that I am autistic, since it is something that will affect the way I answer things or act here. It feels like I'm warning neurotypicals about it

The reason why I deleted somethings from my bio in some social medias is because I simply feel like I overshared some unnecessary things.

And overdid some of them as well

Eu só queria que ele soubesse que meu amor por ele é maior que o de mil outras mulheres

Sometimes I feel bad, because if they're actually "alters" I'm just treating them less human just for the sake of not feeling corny knowing that they're all fictives

Eu quero engolir um caco de vidro

As vezes eu me pergunto, e eu sei que é ignorante, aliás eu sei que eu não poderia estar mais feliz , mas, como que alguém poderia me amar? O que você viu em mim? Eu não entendo isso até hoje principalmente com as crises que já tive na frente dele, mas ele se permaneceu tão calmo /pos

Next session I will try to talk about my disassociation with myself, he thinks it might be because of a disorder, I think he will be interested into hearing deeper about this.

Isso não é direcionado a nada que ocorreu, apenas a mim mesmo