Mary Patterson Broome

I've hit my limit on plastic products from Amazon How many tools does one toddler need to not crap her pants?

My latest Substack for those who can stomach a potty training tell-all: marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/ive-hit-my...

It's odd when you buy something online now, the company's marketing department emails you like you're planning to purchase a bamboo king sheet set every day for the rest of your life.

I met my husband's ex-wife while saying goodbye to their dog And it was just as awkward and sad as you would imagine

Sorry, I know the news is already sad enough.
marypattersonbroome.substack.com/p/i-met-my-h...

Recommended a swimsuit brand to my college group text and now five of them have ordered suits from there too...the pressure to not let them down is really intense.

Hollywood might have ruined Disney music for me Plus a very hot take on Aladdin casting

I worked through some sh*t on this one.

Playing Xbox is my husband's love language And that's the only reason I agreed to join him for a game

Where my gamers at?

The death of the top knot How I'm coping after my husband's recent confession

Still processing this.

I never would have met my husband if I hadn't quit drinking Sobriety gave me the clarity I needed to date with intention

Just hit 11 years sober! 🥳

I keep Googling "do MAGA voters regret it" (because I'm genuinely curious).

My pregnancy was a miracle I wasn't quite ready to accept A lesson in embracing the things we can't control

Promoting new work is excruciating but I will post through the pain.

I'll never let anything come between us, except your La-Z-Boys The title of this entire publication comes from a real place

My latest Substack musing (trigger warning for La-Z-Boy lovers):

Have felt very off and negative today then realized I hadn’t turned on either of my Himalayan salt lamps. Problem solved!

Spent an absurdly long amount of time picking Valentines for my daughter's class of fellow 1-year-olds who will likely rip or eat them upon receipt.

Just accidentally wrote "haha" to my Gen Z coworker and am now scared she's lost all respect for me.

The hardest part of marriage is dinner Unfortunately the standard wedding vows do not include a lifetime meal plan

New post!

vanilla cake with chocolate frosting

Not really doing Facebook or Instagram so where am I supposed to brag about this delicious-looking cake I made from scratch?

I finally got my home office set up just the way I like it. The bad news is now I have to write.

A full-on shopping cart at CVS is a level of commitment I hope I'm never ready for.

Do I need to instigate a wellness check for neighbors who still have their pumpkins on the porch? 👀

I keep my decorations up until New Year's Day but I have a hard stop on Christmas movies after Dec 25th.

Shout out to all the reluctant partners/husbands/boyfriends whose ladies are dragging them 80 miles away to "save money" on a $10 Facebook Marketplace used lamp.

Wearing black skinny jeans today so I can broadcast my millennial mom status loud and proud.

The second year in a row of my daughter screaming bloody murder as I try to prop her on Santa's knee is finally making me wonder who started this awful tradition?

It's really difficult to admit how much I enjoy the NFL after making not liking football my entire personality for so many years.

So glad I married someone my age because no one significantly younger would have jammed out to the greatest hits of Quad City DJ's to survive that last delirious stretch of a 10-hour Thanksgiving road trip.