Five

Fuck me Friday

I'm up too late
To get up this early

My favorite shits are OT

cereal bowl with straw

Ok, hear me out

And they bought me dinner.
Winner, winner

Bitch, when I tell you I've haven't done SHIT today at work

I haven't done nothing.

I guess in that case, I would do it for the thrill of the squish.

Looking for part time work as a human weighted blanket.

Absolutely, I'll go ahead and schedule you for next week if that works for you.

If you need a nemesis, I'm available.

Off fuck
... wait that's wrong. Let me try again

OfF. Fuck

Nope

Fuck iff

Damn it, ok, ok. One last try

😆 Fuck OFF.. 😁

I might have to practice some more.

No, but i do need to get better at telling people to fuck off in my real life.

I'm fucking tired of that bitch.

Why are you letting me down*

*my bra

I wish you would break my back

I feel clothes under my smock are redundant.

Sorry about that, would you like it back?

Well, fuck

The lump in my throat is your dick.

Num num num 🍑

My lunch alarm is labeled
"Eat ass"

What was time before now
What was life before you

Trying to remember how much none of this matters.

Package left on walkway husky sitting in the background.

I can tell when the delivery driver sees my dog by how far the package makes it into the yard.

Your apathy if fucking wild

You're telling me that with all the technology we have, i can have a toilet that weighs my shits?

The magnet hooks are super handy too

Bitch. You have things to do that's not going to the harbor freight*

*goes to harbor freight

For the grace of drugs go I

I know i shouldn't be part of the interview process.