i feel like with the whole clocks changing thing & all, we should have probably gone to bed at 5pm.
08.03.2026 01:10 — 👍 9 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0i feel like with the whole clocks changing thing & all, we should have probably gone to bed at 5pm.
08.03.2026 01:10 — 👍 9 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
the more you no 🌈 ⭐️
07.03.2026 21:02 — 👍 20 🔁 1 💬 2 📌 0“safety in numbers” i whisper, while filling my purse with donuts
07.03.2026 13:28 — 👍 185 🔁 58 💬 4 📌 0i envy the optimism of people who carpet the bathroom
07.03.2026 15:01 — 👍 99 🔁 32 💬 11 📌 0poly people are all like “i really hope i find the three.”
07.03.2026 14:16 — 👍 11 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Roses are red,
Violets are icky,
i really don’t mind if you’re british. just please don’t do it in front of me.
07.03.2026 02:09 — 👍 17 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0why are taters the only thing we’ve totted
06.03.2026 21:10 — 👍 574 🔁 137 💬 70 📌 12
06.03.2026 20:52 —
👍 11
🔁 1
💬 0
📌 0
06.03.2026 19:14 —
👍 12
🔁 2
💬 1
📌 0
started working as a DJ at a local Bed Bath & Beyond in Fort Lee, NJ.
06.03.2026 16:55 — 👍 9 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Oscar!!!!!
06.03.2026 14:16 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0😂😂😂😂😂
06.03.2026 14:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
(puts on 6 hour playlist entitled “scottish bagpiping greatest hits”)
road trip, bitches!!!!
I just want to know how Nicholas cage fits into this scenario. Thank you.
06.03.2026 13:52 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0kristi noem got fired. -what I’ve been saying to myself all day “as a little treat”
06.03.2026 01:10 — 👍 25 🔁 5 💬 2 📌 0
me: this edible isn’t doing dick!
me (30 minutes later):
My plans for today? Same as always; drink coffee and be sexy.
05.03.2026 12:59 — 👍 155 🔁 79 💬 8 📌 0people need to know that babies can be ugly. not mine. but some. :)
05.03.2026 15:45 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I don’t get invited to many places, but when I do I say no
05.03.2026 13:50 — 👍 110 🔁 34 💬 1 📌 0cue michael jackson’s beat it.
05.03.2026 15:45 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.
some shit is about to go down
05.03.2026 14:05 — 👍 2231 🔁 450 💬 77 📌 54this is advice given to me by my mother.
05.03.2026 14:37 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0this is a test of your mute function
05.03.2026 05:15 — 👍 72 🔁 29 💬 11 📌 0don’t worry. you’re exactly where you should be in life. because you’ve made poor choices.
05.03.2026 14:24 — 👍 21 🔁 7 💬 2 📌 0
me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom
you: you DO have kids
me: WHAT
going ballistic. anyone need anything?
04.03.2026 20:05 — 👍 19 🔁 4 💬 1 📌 0
Text your husband "I know your secret" and he'll bring you so many presents!
You don't even need to know what the secret is!
high school prepared me for square dancing. a lot of fucking square dancing.
04.03.2026 16:52 — 👍 29 🔁 8 💬 2 📌 0
i don’t mean to brag or anything, but someone just stopped me on the street to tell me how dehydrated i look.
still got it!