Mr Dysphemistic

Nice one Bruva!

One of my absolute favourites, on iPlayer if you fancy it, all together now

Human Traffic (1999) ⭐ 7.1 | Comedy, Music 1h 39m | R

Today I'm going to sort out the kitchen and get some Aaarfggghhh drop EVERYTHING and watch this
www.imdb.com/title/tt0188...

Today's Daily Mail has a picture of Hitler on the front page I've obviously not read it, I assume they're complaining he's too woke for their liking?

It should be a crime for a company to allow you to complete an online purchase without giving you advance warning that it will be UNdelivered by Evri!

Hopefully.

Oh no!
Say it ain't so.

I've GOT IT!
Use the Jewish space lasers to melt the North Pole so the water puts out the fires THEN use the Guvmint's weather machine to make it snow up there before all the penguins boil.

*Mutter* SOUTH Pole

Screw you thinking that knowing stuff means that you know stuff. Penguins are cute.

Them: What's your star sign?
Me: Cthulhu
Then: That's not a star sign.
Me: It's an unimaginably old source of evil that is so horrific it drives people insane.
Them: I see it now.

You should all be THANKING me for the low quality of my posts, after all half of us have to be below average for the rest of you to be above average!

Aha!
It turns out that being rubbish at Twitter DOES have a positive side.
Finding most of my Twitter followers on here has been easy (because I don't have many)

... you've just sunk my battleship

I'll follow more people when I get chance to properly look through my Twitter stuff - I'm not some weirdo who's only following a handful of people.

I mean, I AM a weirdo, but not like that.

YOU HAVE 84 TITS?!
Where the hell do you buy clothes?