Dan

Too late, I’ve already depicted my friends and I as the beautiful views crew and you as the stump chump.

Seeing a scene in a movie where someone is driving at night: damn, this shit lynchian asl

Tik tok says “owlcore” third bird in is a damn harpy eagle, someone get my gun!

Getting millenial as hell rn, throwing down my zoobooks animal facts on discord.

Gen z aphorism: I’d rather grind with my slimes than be hodlin with the goblins

“no rapping tonight" why?
"you rap about yoda everytime, it's embarrassing" ok
[after one beer]
Hazy…this room is getting!

I’m not overwhelmed! Could an overwhelmed guy do this? *spontaneously combusts*

Crazy than a junkyard dong, ready to show the king my schlong

Yeah I’m unloading it and by it I guess u could say my binchwantcher

Training in dark arts in order to give sentience to the Macy’s parade balloons and make them feel pain.

Let’s just say if they had made me lead forklift operator on the valley of the pharaohs it would’ve gone down differently.

Some parenting tasks seem so daunting, how do you catch a kid up on lore?

So weird they have a whole neighborhood in nyc called chomo

Inventing both a snake oil health product and a shitcoin to accompany it.

Tom delonge voice: NIB-iru, yeah it’s a planet and on its surface there are lots of little guys…

Two boondocks saints guys but their tattoos read Baja and blast

Funkmaster flex: Ayo..In the criminal justice system *explosion noise* …sexually. based. offenses are considered especially heinous. *air horn*
In NYC *cash register noise*, the dedicated detectives *gun cocking* who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite sq-

When will America’s long wait finally be over? When will we finally get representatives who grew up dreaming of starting a cig reviews/rankings website with their best friend growing up?

Ski level low key fire

I’m da new year’s jokah babie!

r/sophisticatedwhiteboiproblem$

When I try to talk ignorant on the job site to my homies it just sounds like a GameCube era Pikmin? Suggestions!?

*guy in deep crimson robes standing in front of a brick wall* Is it just Malkeœr the Vile that finds his undead thralls seem extra listless the week between Christmas and new years? What’s up with that fellow warlocks of the council?

Dying in a fiery car wreck while a CD-r entitled: ultrabassboosted_BRAZILPHONK_mega_mix_(lowly-worm-apple-car-drift-edit)
Blares over the scene of the crash.

That was my big question too, “um, doesn’t that battery juice belongs to the crabs, sir?!”

Who up on the dance app for kids macheteing their car batteries?

If I lived here this is where I would hold court:

Henry Kissinger can’t see your posts about him any more, but your friends who have sold their soul to the devil and are suffering the sickening toll brought on by the effects of the transaction can!

Matthew Perry AND Henry Kissinger dead within the same month? God must be putting together one hell of a buddy sitcom…