dr dicenschmirtz

idea: one of those two beer hats but instead of straws it has little robot arms to feed me publix popcorn chicken hands free

easy to say this for one day but it’s been a week and a half it’s been ROUGH

it is not a moral failing to not go to the gym when i’m sick it is not a moral failing to not go to the gym when i’m sick it is not a moral failing to not go to the gym when i’m sick

What? Orgasm?? God no, I said I'm bringing you to the Orc Chasm. Where the fuck is your sword??

balatro good game. i’m watching charlie slimecicle’s video playing it rn he’s so entertaining

it was a coincidence but i was running a high card build and didn’t have like. a million steel cards to boost it or anything so there weren’t any downsides

two ectoplasm cards (-1 hand size) to create negative space for the stencil (xmult for every empty joker slot) + stuntman (+250 chips -2 hand size) copied with brainstorm, + probably another spectral somewhere in there so. hand size went from 8 to 3.

how much do you know about balatro so i know how in depth i need to go

back in the fucking building again

my wildest balatro strat yet

happy valentine's day, here is a luvdisc i drew with a trampstamp and butthole

at the planned parenthood, straight up inserting it. and by “it”, let’s just say, my iud

a very competently and impressively edited jpeg a figure is resting on the sofa: Oh Hank Green, I'm just feeling real low Hank Green is on a TV or computer monitor, who can say he responds with a scishow video title The Octopuses Are Making Fish Armies the figure sits up Oh shit, for real?

thank you, @hankgreen.bsky.social

i don’t watch basketball but my understanding is this is like if sidney to the avs was real but the return was devon toews and a bag of chips

The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

this guy just TOOK A PHONE CALL IN BETWEEN SETS DIE DIE DIE

worth it

me telling my parents no kitchen stuff for christmas cause i have no room for it vs me in january when i need a dutch oven

i hope i’m not the only person that gets horrifically anxious when i have to put a whole pot in the oven instead of just a baking sheet. i’ve got short ribs in the oven and they’re in a sauce pan since i don’t have a dutch oven and i’m just sitting in the living room waiting for it to explode

I FINALLY BEAT ANTE 11 LFG

i wish everyone who spends 2+ minutes on their phone in between sets at the gym when you’re clearly waiting for their machine a very piss your pants

guys i need to stop playing balatro genuinely i close my eyes and the cards appear in my mind

Someone on Twitter writes: "Unfortunately die work wear or whatever is a psyop to turn men into women . Cuz why the hell else would he be telling them to dress that gay"

The year is 2035. I meet President AOC in the Oval Office. "You've done well," she says. "By telling men to dress gay, you've lowered the population rate by 90%, thereby reducing carbon emissions." She slides me a manilla envelope. I can now afford a home in a walkable neighborhood

JAMIE MY BELOVED SCORING AGAINST THE DUCKS WE LOVE TO SEE IT

they should invent a protein shake that tastes good

…okay but like we got a point when we shouldn’t have yk

i knew they wouldn’t let me down against the bruins

A 5 gallon bucket of Kikkoman soy sauce

I will acquire the Kikkoman bucket