Surprised Eel Historian, PhD

I've clearly been going about it all wrong.

The master of the alt text strikes again.

Horde it like a dragon, obvs

Social science with the own goal

Meme. Painting of two eels in the water. They are yellow, and so is the background, so it's unclear if these are yellow eels, or eels seen through a yellow filter. They don't much care, I would guess. The eels are dark on top, and are casting shadows below them, such that they seem like eel sandwiches stuffed into the bread of darkness. They deserve names, so we shall call one of the Olivort and the other Trovilo. You can decide which is which. One is looking to the left, and one is looking back over its metaphorical shoulder to the right. Neither is looking at you, and I think that's a choice. You should maybe spend some time thinking about why, and then try to move forward and live your life as the sort of person that eels would want to look at. Meme text reads: "Weir gonna climb Right over your dam"

Let's talk about eels & dams. 'Cause dams are a problem for eels now, but they haven't always been.

Eels can live out of water for a while, & travel overland. Young eels climb up & around small waterfalls as they migrate. And so many medieval dams weren't a problem for them. 1/7
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Meme. Photograph of a New Zealand Longfin eel looking at the camera, peering out from behind some underwater flora. This is an amazingly endearing eel, and she deserves a name. We can call her Jelloria and she'll feel pretty good about it. She is grey with touches of white, and has piercing blue eyes that would be the envy of many a movie star. You could fall into those eyes and never even notice the landing. Jelloria's mouth is set in an expression of hopeful despair, and she longs for you to take action. The feeling you get looking into her face is a bit like when you're accosted by girl scouts selling cookies outside of Walmart. But take that feeling, with its weight of desire (for cookies) mixed with your sense of social obligation and a squeamishness about saying "no", and wrap it all up in honey-dripped devotion. THAT is the way Jelloria makes you feel. You'd do anything for her. Wreck a dam? Sure. Hayduke lives for Jelloria. Meme text reads: "Won't you save me from this dam nation?"

Many of them just won't make the passage back. For a species on the brink, that's a big problem.

Modern dams are one of the greatest threats facing eels today. Just one more reason to move away from hydroelectric power. The eels will thank us. 7/7

How trucking eels is reviving a river Some scientists say assisted migration could help more species survive the warming planet.

In some places, young eels are trapped & relocated. On the Susquehanna River in the US, elvers are transported by truck past local dams.

That's great. But them you also have to help them back to the sea later on. That's a lot of truckin'. 6/7
www.washingtonpost.com/climate-solu...

Meme. Image of an eel ladder in Morocco. It is a series of ramps snaking up the dam. The surfaces are covered in a green material to help give the eels traction; it's something like astroturf. It perhaps looks inviting to an eel. Did you know that there are eels in Morocco? It's true! European eels have a range that extends throughout Europe and the Mediterranean, including North Africa. Eels do not care for your boundaries; in fact, they don't even think about it. They know, in their hearts, that borders are social constructs. We could learn a thing or two from them. Meme text reads: "The work of the Ladder-Day Saints"

People try to help. You can build eel passes, or fish ladders, for modern dams that give migrating fish a pathway around.

These help, but not enough. And if they're not maintained then they don't do any good at all. 5/7

Meme. Photograph of an eel underwater, looking at the camera. The eel is on the bottom of a stream, and is probably far more comfortable than you would be in the same situation. It is yellow and wonderful, with perky nostril horns and an upturned smile. But there is a hint of uncertainty in that smile, and behind the one eye that we can see. As if this eel is only now learning about the problems of hydroelectric dams, and is trying to maintain a cheerful facade while, behind the mask, panic is setting in. Meme text reads: "Would you swim through a helicopter blade just to have sex?"

But there wasn't a drop-off in the numbers of eels they were eating. 'Cause eels weren't fussed by those dams.

But modern dams? That's a whole other story. They're too big for elvers to climb over easily, and hydroelectric turbines kill silver eels migrating back to sea. 4/7

Movie poster style image, showing two gray fish on a blue background. There are no eels, which is not a thematic problem but is still an issue. There should always be eels somewhere. The poster text reads: "Fish Event Horizon Anno Domini 1000" The top fish is long and somewhat trout-like (give me a break, I'm an eel historian, not a fishthyologist (or whatever they're called). His expression on slightly angry, and he'd like you to call him Pucktwist. The bottom fish is shorter, and looks quite worried. Her name is Anbeluna, and she looks like maybe she knows more about various horizons than does Pucktwist. Editorial note: in my opinion, "Fish Event Horizon" is a real triumph of naming.

As the English built more dams, the number of salmon and other freshwater fish dropped drastically. To compensate, starting in about 1000 CE the English began eating many more marine fish.

This shift from freshwater fish to marine fish is called the Fish Event Horizon! 3/7

Image of a medieval mill dam with an overshot wheel from the Luttrell Psalter. Upstream there are 2 eel traps in the water, with eels in them. You can't see the miller in this picture, but if you could he'd probably be in a panic. The water from the stream is coming right up to the door of the mill, and if it gets any higher he's going to have a problem. We can hope he has good insurance, but it seems unlikely. The miller is likely named something like Vaesselsmyth, and it's easy to imagine him as the sort of big burly man who crushes bud light cans on his forehead in the bar, but sings his heart out to Katy Perry songs in his car. You've been next to this man at a traffic light once.

Closeup of the eel traps upstream from the dam. You can see the eels getting stuck in them, with their tails hanging out. These eels are pretty well screwed, and are on their way to either the frying pan or the drying rack. Will they be dinner, or will they be paid in taxes? These are, at this point, their only two futures, and they won't be around to find out. This is a metaphor for many things in your life. You can choose which ones.

You can see here, in this great image from the 14th C. Luttrell Psalter, that there are eel traps *above* the dam.

These dams did block migration pathways for fish like salmon, though, with some interesting repercussions. 2/7

Meme. Painting of two eels in the water. They are yellow, and so is the background, so it's unclear if these are yellow eels, or eels seen through a yellow filter. They don't much care, I would guess. The eels are dark on top, and are casting shadows below them, such that they seem like eel sandwiches stuffed into the bread of darkness. They deserve names, so we shall call one of the Olivort and the other Trovilo. You can decide which is which. One is looking to the left, and one is looking back over its metaphorical shoulder to the right. Neither is looking at you, and I think that's a choice. You should maybe spend some time thinking about why, and then try to move forward and live your life as the sort of person that eels would want to look at. Meme text reads: "Weir gonna climb Right over your dam"

Let's talk about eels & dams. 'Cause dams are a problem for eels now, but they haven't always been.

Eels can live out of water for a while, & travel overland. Young eels climb up & around small waterfalls as they migrate. And so many medieval dams weren't a problem for them. 1/7
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Ohh...this is a job I would love. Not one I can take, but one I would love.

This too, shall pass

Thank you!

Thank you! I put some work into them, and it makes me happy for people to read them

Meme. Still from the video game "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" showing the titular lawyer standing in court and pointing dramatically with his left hand. You can see him from the mid-torso up. His hair is swept back like a dragon's wing, and he looks as aggressive as a drunk wolverine. He's wearing a royal blue suit coat, a powder blue vest, and a pink tie that is roughly the color of a 7 yr old's tongue after a pitcher of kool-aid. His eyes are focused, looking down his arm and along his accusing finger. His whole body vibrates with arrogant energy. The whole illusion falls apart somewhat if you imagine that he isn't wearing pants (trousers, for my UK friends), and that his underwear (pants, for my UK friends) are My Pretty Pony Sex Fetish themed. The Pretty Pony / Phoenix Wright crossover you didn't know you needed. Maybe 'cause you didn't. Meme text reads: "Objection, your honor! That contract was clearly eelegal!"

Are you sitting around, waiting for your eel delivery? What if they never come?

It's happened before! In 1333 Thomas Doune, a Lackenheath merchant, agreed to deliver 8,000 eels to a business partner. When he didn't show w/ the fish, his partner had to sue him to get a £7 refund.
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Meme. Still from the video game "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" showing the titular lawyer standing in court and pointing dramatically with his left hand. You can see him from the mid-torso up. His hair is swept back like a dragon's wing, and he looks as aggressive as a drunk wolverine. He's wearing a royal blue suit coat, a powder blue vest, and a pink tie that is roughly the color of a 7 yr old's tongue after a pitcher of kool-aid. His eyes are focused, looking down his arm and along his accusing finger. His whole body vibrates with arrogant energy. The whole illusion falls apart somewhat if you imagine that he isn't wearing pants (trousers, for my UK friends), and that his underwear (pants, for my UK friends) are My Pretty Pony Sex Fetish themed. The Pretty Pony / Phoenix Wright crossover you didn't know you needed. Maybe 'cause you didn't. Meme text reads: "Objection, your honor! That contract was clearly eelegal!"

Are you sitting around, waiting for your eel delivery? What if they never come?

It's happened before! In 1333 Thomas Doune, a Lackenheath merchant, agreed to deliver 8,000 eels to a business partner. When he didn't show w/ the fish, his partner had to sue him to get a £7 refund.
🗃️🧪

It’s good for so many ages and occasions

Evergreen post

A poem titled "Vigil." The poem's text reads: Let me hold a vigil as you rest, caught between the half-kept darkness and the sound of daylife just outside, gathering your cares and watching as you try to slip the sapping world away. Let me guard the rise and fall of sleep within you as I listen to the quiet breathing of your heart, the grating rumble of your past, and the carelessness of skin beneath the sheets. Let me brush away the idle hairs that fall across your eyes, pushing back their veiling curls before they shroud your spirit in their weight and tether fast your dreams. Let me kiss your head and settle in to stay between these moments and the ever-asking door, a quiet lover in the corner of your tired, rolling dusk. Let me hold this vigil by your side, And I will be here for you when you wake. -- John Wyatt Greenlee

A poem for this afternoon. Sometimes we all need a someone to stand watch over us.

Thank you!

A poem titled "Vigil." The poem's text reads: Let me hold a vigil as you rest, caught between the half-kept darkness and the sound of daylife just outside, gathering your cares and watching as you try to slip the sapping world away. Let me guard the rise and fall of sleep within you as I listen to the quiet breathing of your heart, the grating rumble of your past, and the carelessness of skin beneath the sheets. Let me brush away the idle hairs that fall across your eyes, pushing back their veiling curls before they shroud your spirit in their weight and tether fast your dreams. Let me kiss your head and settle in to stay between these moments and the ever-asking door, a quiet lover in the corner of your tired, rolling dusk. Let me hold this vigil by your side, And I will be here for you when you wake. -- John Wyatt Greenlee

A poem for this afternoon. Sometimes we all need a someone to stand watch over us.

Worksheet titled: "Evolving from Eel-less Language" and it includes a column titled "Instead of" with a red X, and a column titled "Say this" with a green checkmark. The "Instead of" column includes sayings like "You're doing it wrong" and "Look at those used condoms in the water!" The "Say this" column includes sayings like, "You're grabbing an eel by the tail" and "Hey! Manhattan eels!" I don't have the space here to list all of them. But each expression in the "Say this" column is a bonafide (read that in a Wharvey Gal's accent) historical eel metaphor. We'd all be better off if we talked more about eels.

We're all trying to be careful with our language, so as not to offend, or not to lose federal funding for talking about paragraph transitions.

To help you out, here's a worksheet to guide you in swapping out troublesome phrases for real, historical eel expressions.
🗃️🧪

Worksheet titled: "Evolving from Eel-less Language" and it includes a column titled "Instead of" with a red X, and a column titled "Say this" with a green checkmark. The "Instead of" column includes sayings like "You're doing it wrong" and "Look at those used condoms in the water!" The "Say this" column includes sayings like, "You're grabbing an eel by the tail" and "Hey! Manhattan eels!" I don't have the space here to list all of them. But each expression in the "Say this" column is a bonafide (read that in a Wharvey Gal's accent) historical eel metaphor. We'd all be better off if we talked more about eels.

We're all trying to be careful with our language, so as not to offend, or not to lose federal funding for talking about paragraph transitions.

To help you out, here's a worksheet to guide you in swapping out troublesome phrases for real, historical eel expressions.
🗃️🧪

Possibly! Eventually the man who received them died, and his widow renegotiated the charter. She gave up the trousers, and instead received several wagonloads of firewood.

a reminder, friends:
as you enjoy the eel memes
read the alt-text, too

Excuse me, sir, but "the dawn of time" at least goes back to invention of the pocket watch by Ernst Pocketwatch in 1427.

It’s murder or nothin, baby

Since the dawn of time, man has yearned to murder other people more than now.