World book day today.
My son’s gone as Hagrid.
He’s supposed to be the man from The Joy of Sex books, but his teacher called him Hagrid so…
World book day today.
My son’s gone as Hagrid.
He’s supposed to be the man from The Joy of Sex books, but his teacher called him Hagrid so…
- I bought my wife an electric guitar for her birthday.
- A fender?
- A bit yeah, she wanted a necklace.
There was no other apparatus free at the gym so I went on that Stair Master thing.
Such Sisyphean torture.
What a horrible experience, they may as well have a slice of cake on string hanging just out of reach above it.
My favourite Irish reggae singer’s probably Pat O’Banton.
25.02.2026 13:32 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.
24.02.2026 12:29 — 👍 24 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0
Wow.
19.02.2026 21:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0There’s one in the train station lost property. That could be it.
17.02.2026 15:51 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Do you think?
17.02.2026 15:43 — 👍 5 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Oops, just realised, I've been writing in brackets since June).
13.02.2026 15:47 — 👍 22 🔁 2 💬 1 📌 1
I shall also make this.
Many thanks.
Oops upside your head,
say oops upside your head.
Yayy! X
30.01.2026 19:33 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Lovely x
30.01.2026 19:33 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0☹️
30.01.2026 19:33 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I thought my wife was joking when she told me she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland.
Then I saw her face,
now I'm in Geneva.
If I won a million pounds the first thing I'd do is put a layer of caramel and chocolate on my shortbread.
24.01.2026 10:52 — 👍 40 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0
I've just realised, there really is a staircase behind our sofa.
All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.
Here we see the Seal Bar, nervously looking around, ever mindful of it's natural chocolate bar predator, The Club.
22.01.2026 20:29 — 👍 75 🔁 14 💬 3 📌 1
Here we see the Seal Bar, nervously looking around, ever mindful of it's natural chocolate bar predator, The Club.
22.01.2026 20:29 — 👍 75 🔁 14 💬 3 📌 1
It’s Squirrel Appreciation Day.
I have a squirrel joke:
Why did the squirrel sleep on the floor?
Because he forgot about drey.
I’m reading Elvis Costello’s diary.
18.01.2026 19:28 — 👍 29 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0
I’m reading Elvis Costello’s diary.
18.01.2026 19:28 — 👍 29 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0Thank you x
17.01.2026 14:26 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I once had a girl,
or should I say,
she once had me...
- Oedipus.
… Le Freak, c'est Chic.
14.01.2026 12:43 — 👍 24 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0
… Le Freak, c'est Chic.
14.01.2026 12:43 — 👍 24 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0It really is.
12.01.2026 20:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
This is my favourite version of this.
Tim Buckley on The Monkees.
youtu.be/vaa22ULitds?...
You can have them all.
10.01.2026 16:04 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
That time an imposter gatecrashed a Man Utd team photo is very similar to what the eclair’s doing on the Heroes lid.
10.01.2026 15:40 — 👍 11 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0