Jaybird

“ . . . “

“You’ve done it now, I’m re-entering my villain phase.
I’m calling Scarlet right now.”

“Nothing to worry about, Raymond.

Now, do you think I should get her flowers or is that too soon?”

“Something about a statue of Janus, that Greek god guy with two faces.

I did blow my hiding place, though, because the joke about the name was too hard to resist.”

“I’ve had worse concussions before. This is nothing.”

“Fellas -

If a girl cracks your helmet like an egg with a battleaxe that’s taller than you, is that her way of expressing affection?

Asking for a friend.”

𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐋

────────────

“Sees me?
Who’s going to see me in a museum at 4 in the morning?

The elderly guard they employ?”

“Tripped over one of those tubes for the AC units.

And not everyone is as graceful as you, Grayson. That’s why I wear a helmet.”

📌
𝐃𝐫. 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐬 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐳𝐞𝐥
𝐃𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐫𝐤𝐡𝐚𝐦 𝐀𝐬𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐦

“Stealing the Declaration of Independence…

I was stopping Two-Face, obviously.”

“Were je not for the laws of this land, I would have slain you.”

“I know I haven’t been around for a few days. I, uh —

I fell through a skylight at the museum and dislocated my hip.

No old man related jokes, please.”

“Wait — New Year?
Is that today?

I slept through it, I thought the noise was just Gotham being Gotham.”

“What if I come across a real big douchebag that totally has it coming?”

He repeats it all the way down to the batcave.

“No way — ?
Nooo way.
No. Way.
No way — !
No no no no… no way.”

Jason whoops excitedly as he checks out his newest ride.

“Oh you beautiful little twerp …
You magnificent bastard.”

“You ever get hit in the back of the head by some crook with a lead pipe you overlooked?

Not me.

You know why?
Helmet.”

“You’ll actually love this one —

It’s God.
Just God.
His name’s just God.”

“It’s this worldwide holiday where we celebrate the birth of a demigod.

It used to be in November but the demigod’s religious following usurped a pagan holiday and combined the two.”

a woman wearing glasses and red lipstick says " what a twist " ALT: a woman wearing glasses and red lipstick says " what a twist "

“Have fun in prison!”

Darcy Lewis. Marvel MCU.
Descript/Lit.
SFW NON-LEWD.
Ships with high chem.
Tony Stark’s daughter.
Pansexual. 18+
#Parody #NotKatDennings
Writer Tag: #rocky

Outlaws Christmas gifts

• A picture book about horses for Lian and a Taco Bell gift card for Roy

• Rubik’s Cube for Bizarro

• A children’s telescope for Starfire (They’re cheaper)

• Two-week all expenses paid trip to the lovely Greek island of Rhodos for Artemis (Another woman he’s terrified of)

• A novelty version of UNO for Selina with a cat theme ($9.99) (He doesn’t know her that well)

• Onyx inlay signet pendant for Cass Cain ($350) (He’s terrified of what she might do if her gift sucks)

• Costco 20 pound ham for Bruce ($19.99)

• 500 piece puzzle of the Panama Canal for Stephanie ($9.99)

• Katana from the mall (that will definitely shatter the second you take it out of the sheath for Damian) ($19.99)

• Dyson hand vacuum for Alfred (stolen)

He’s got his Christmas shopping all figured out — And on a budget was well!

• A home-gym jump rope from Walmart for Dick ($ 9.90)

• A bulk bag of loose coffee beans from Costco for Tim ($23,99)

• An issue of WIRED magazine for Barbara ($5.99) (Not even a new one, this issue is from 2022)

“Come on, Bruce. It’s Christmas!”

“How about no guns — ?”

—
Into his ear.

Jason calmed himself, and stepped back into the role of the aloof smart-ass.

The act he knew everyone could see through but decided to put on anyway.

“Okay, pint-size.
Do you want to stand here and discuss our respective histories all day or do you want to get chicken nuggets?”

—
This was not the truth.

Damian was a victim of their manipulation, same as he was.

The anger and resentment he felt to Damian were no different than what he felt toward Bruce and Tim all those years ago.

A fabrication of his mind.
Residue from the venom that the League of Assassins poured

—

—
To be what Bruce Wayne could never be.
Damian was their perfect prince. Damian was their royalty.

And Jason was just a rabid dog. All he was supposed to be was an insult to the Batman’s legacy. Beside that, he was expendable.

Jason quickly perished the thought from his mind

—

—
To be a living, breathing reminder of one the darkest days in Bruce’s life.

Jason lived only to break the Batman’s spirit.

For a moment he felt a sting of anger toward Damian.

He had been there too, but not for the same reason.
Damian was to be the perfect heir to the Demon, Ra’s Al Ghul

—

Jason grimaces as the memories of those days creeped back into his mind like an unwelcome guest.

Back when all he felt was rage and aggression. Fear and pain.

The assassins had cultivated those in him. They had brought him back from the other side with a singular purpose:
To haunt Batman.

—