Gracen

A transcript from a phone call at 10:33PM from my boyfriend that woke me up:

Me *obviously just woke up*: “hello, are you okay?”

Jack: “oh I’m sorry. Yeah I’m okay. I just wanted to tell you I got a rootbeer float and it’s so good.”

r/bidets are my people

“You” naming the new strong female lead “Bronte” makes me want to slam my head through a wall

Jorgeous and Ginger are the new Jujubee

Standing next to a woman who is screaming at the best buy geek squad because they told her it would take 3 days to fix her laptop. Meanwhile I apologized to them for breaking my computer and they said “why are u apologizing to us”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Waking up with the same headache you went to sleep with is diabolical

The mushroom swiss burger is back for a limited time only and in other news I will be glutening myself purposefully for a limited time only

Do we all understand the definition of tariff now

When I’m in charge, everyone will be allowed to choose 1 week out of the month they can work in a fetal position no questions asked

Spent all morning researching what bird was calling outside my window and turns out it’s a pigeon. hell ya keep on singin ya silly guy

Did I sneak away from my own birthday party to go sit with my cats? Ya

Opened my mouth to seem cool and said I played golf and now I’m signed up for the company golf tournament. googling how to get good at golf quick

Started Lost and have said “this happened in Yellowjackets already” as if this show didn’t premiere 17 years earlier

Walked outside for less than 5 minutes to check out garden lights Jack installed and got 16 mosquito bites! Spring has sprung!

Need a survivor version of untucked and it’s the jury discussing between tribal councils

Pleakley should have been played by a drag queen in the live action stitch. Don’t erase that diva’s whole storyline

Been clothes shopping for spain and told myself to escape my comfort zone but 4 of the 6 outfits so far are green so

Doing yard work (picking up sticks and putting them in a pile so we can use them in our fire pit) and immediately started playing pretend survivor

Canceling my amc a-list membership because I no longer live near an amc felt like stabbing a friend in the back. nicole kidman forgive me

Coworker just went up to everyone and asked if we wanted to smell his bag of coffee and everyone said no

Pirates of the Caribbean should have been a trilogy and that is how i choose to see it

My cat hissed at the door also when I got my 2nd one. Food on either side of the door at meal time helped. I did closed door for a week and a screen door between them for 3 days (was supposed to be longer but the little one broke out) and I was so nervous but they immediately started playing!

Started crying about how much i love doctor who tonight

Hey guys whatever you do don’t mispronounce something in a room full of all of your much older man coworkers

“My god” - jack in regards to the amount of ranch I just put on my salad

My cat sneezes once and I’m immediately on google searching “cat sneeze what does it mean”

Haus Labs foundation is life changing

Reason number 507 I’m excited to move into a house: my upstairs neighbor has taken up djing as their new life passion

Bob’s Burgers is so important to me

Stalking my sister’s location when she’s at universal so I can live through her. She’s currently having an out of body experience on the cat and the hat I just know it